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garrettmcg13

Offline (the 09/19/2014 at 5:00pm) | Search for a member

garrettmcg13

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  • Number of visits : 183
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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garrettmcg13's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML

#21192543
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59927) - you deserved it (4624)

On 06/29/2014 at 1:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my sister ran into my room unannounced while I was on webcam with a potential employer. Before I could react, she looked at my screen, said "Damn, he's fucking hot." and flashed him. FML

#21191852
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52106) - you deserved it (4735)

On 06/28/2014 at 8:26pm - work - by justno - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

#21183341
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42598) - you deserved it (4402)

On 06/21/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by LoveGlove (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at my mother's open-casket funeral, my sister-in-law went to pay her respects. As she stood in front of the body, she coughed, muttering "bitch" in the process. Either nobody else noticed or nobody cared, and she went on her way, noticeably not choked up at all. FML

#21173556
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40297) - you deserved it (3901)

On 06/13/2014 at 6:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

#21167190
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57531) - you deserved it (6931)

On 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by 404: sense not found (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

#21117679
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51649) - you deserved it (4525)

On 04/20/2014 at 12:03am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, I met up with an old friend of mine who acts in a TV show. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but I'd been watching episodes of the show almost daily, so when he showed up I could only see him as his TV character and not as my friend. I ended up calling him by his character's name. FML

#21114249
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40192) - you deserved it (13085)

On 04/16/2014 at 12:13am - misc - by Confused (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52104) - you deserved it (4710)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my three closest online friends are the same person: my obsessive ex. I met all three before he and I even started dating. FML

#21105963
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40014) - you deserved it (5177)

On 04/06/2014 at 2:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

#21104869
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44487) - you deserved it (3117)

On 04/05/2014 at 12:04am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML

#21104650
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39456) - you deserved it (11841)

On 04/04/2014 at 7:20pm - love - by ohai ur hawt, wanna fuzzzZzZZzzZzz (man) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, it's the last day of my sign language class. At the end of the class, my teacher surprised us by speaking for the first time, also surprising everyone that she wasn't actually deaf. It wouldn't have been so bad had I not just given someone an answer to the test, thinking she couldn't hear me. FML

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

#21101391
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45205) - you deserved it (33422)

On 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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