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garikay

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garikay
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  • Number of visits : 585
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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garikay's favorite FMLs

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

#20640404
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60099) - you deserved it (13035)

On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58167) - you deserved it (8823)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

#20637584
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67164) - you deserved it (7566)

On 05/02/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by future brain bleach addict (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML

Today, I was lectured by my mother for staying out until 2 am because I went to a gig last night. I was told I was irresponsible and made to feel ashamed. Not only do I live on my own and pay my bills, but I'm almost 30. This is a regular occurrence. FML

Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML

#20634792
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53270) - you deserved it (3418)

On 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm - health - by DemiRawrs - United States

Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML

#20634724
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57614) - you deserved it (4556)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML

#20634708
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50247) - you deserved it (3892)

On 05/01/2013 at 11:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, for a laugh, I put vanilla yogurt into a mayonnaise jar and went to the mall to eat it with a spoon. Too bad that someone called mall security on me for disturbing the peace. They shoved me into a back room and grilled me about what was in the jar. FML

#20632537
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39688) - you deserved it (17644)

On 04/30/2013 at 11:09am - misc - by longsock123 - United States (California)

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

#20629727
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34665) - you deserved it (2877)

On 04/29/2013 at 3:20am - animals - by conbon123 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML

#20627981
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31420) - you deserved it (65724)

On 04/28/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Saudi Arabia

Today, I smoked weed with friends. Stoned, I put on my sister's high heels instead of my Vans and I walked to 7-11. FML

#20624531
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16810) - you deserved it (66866)

On 04/27/2013 at 2:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was tutoring a band member. Whenever I ask him to play a D or any D scale, he stops just to snicker and say, "Ha ha. D." He still sucks. I hate his guts. FML

#20620228
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33524) - you deserved it (4588)

On 04/25/2013 at 3:55am - work - by justgivemethed - United States (California)

Today, my seven-year-old nephew challenged me to a push up contest in front of my girlfriend. He beat me, and then asked my girlfriend why she's dating a pussy. FML

#20617598
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49589) - you deserved it (20259)

On 04/24/2013 at 12:55am - kids - by BIGCHEIFAAA (man) - United States (California)



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