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Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33508) - you deserved it (7833)
On 02/21/2013 at 8:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Today, my mom refused to sign me up for a CPR class, reasoning that if I was ever put in a situation where a person was choking, I could save them using my "common sense" and "intellect". I need the class to graduate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23943) - you deserved it (1503)
On 02/20/2013 at 7:32pm - misc - by blob - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30030) - you deserved it (1846)
On 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my wife mentioned that she wanted to give me a three-way. I was ecstatic, until she opened her right hand, only to reveal a 3-way lightbulb. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9817) - you deserved it (25043)
On 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm - intimacy - by phatdaddy62 (man) - United States
Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29173) - you deserved it (2872)
On 02/18/2013 at 2:44am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, while on my way to the movies, I stopped at a gas station to pick up candy so I could avoid the high prices at the movies. The guy who tore my ticket asked for my purse, confiscated my candy, and then kicked me out of the movie theater. That guy was my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38199) - you deserved it (5706)
On 02/17/2013 at 10:50am - love - by Cheyennereed - United States (South Carolina)
Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23469) - you deserved it (4933)
On 02/16/2013 at 1:03pm - money - by an idiot (man) - Australia
Today, my father gave me his blessing to be married on one condition: that I keep my maiden name when I marry. My fiancé thought it would be "epic". My last name will be hyphenated to Cobb-Webb. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25867) - you deserved it (3957)
On 02/16/2013 at 10:27am - love - by MsCobb - United States (Ohio)
Today, I moved in with my new dorm mate. I'm prone to very frequent panic attacks that can only be alleviated by cold air. My roommate is severely anemic, and has violent shivering fits when the temperature is below 80. No matter what, one of us is always shaking uncontrollably. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27846) - you deserved it (2528)
On 02/16/2013 at 3:47am - health - by Chuffberry - United States (Colorado)
Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage". When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21831) - you deserved it (2984)
On 02/16/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by howannoying - Australia (Victoria)
Today, the company I was fired from three years ago merged with the company I work at now. The new owners' first order of business was to fire me again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35984) - you deserved it (1823) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 02/15/2013 at 8:37pm - work - by Nico - Sent from mobile version
Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27818) - you deserved it (6230)
On 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by Acolyte of the Bacon God (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28215) - you deserved it (1299)
On 02/14/2013 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Saudi Arabia (Ash Sharqiyah)
Today, one of my employees complained of B.O. wafting into his work space. As a joke, I created an anonymous survey online asking everyone if they had showered in the last 30 days, and sent it out. Half of them put "Yes", the other half put a variation of "I can't afford to shower on my salary." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7499) - you deserved it (19242)
On 02/14/2013 at 7:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9508) - you deserved it (37753)
On 02/14/2013 at 2:39am - misc - by assoutofuandme (woman) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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