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Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52658) - you deserved it (5585)
On 05/02/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by future brain bleach addict (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35222) - you deserved it (4381)
On 05/01/2013 at 7:22pm - animals - by Annonymous_Dad (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was lectured by my mother for staying out until 2 am because I went to a gig last night. I was told I was irresponsible and made to feel ashamed. Not only do I live on my own and pay my bills, but I'm almost 30. This is a regular occurrence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31280) - you deserved it (3439)
On 05/01/2013 at 7:13pm - misc - by vegas518 - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50822) - you deserved it (3358)
On 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm - health - by DemiRawrs - United States
Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47011) - you deserved it (3248)
On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47363) - you deserved it (3362)
On 05/01/2013 at 11:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, for a laugh, I put vanilla yogurt into a mayonnaise jar and went to the mall to eat it with a spoon. Too bad that someone called mall security on me for disturbing the peace. They shoved me into a back room and grilled me about what was in the jar. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36237) - you deserved it (15885)
On 04/30/2013 at 11:09am - misc - by longsock123 - United States (California)
Today, I wanted revenge on my college's drinks machine. For the past two days, it forgot to release a cup before pouring my coffee. This time, I had planned ahead; I put my money in, entered the code, and quickly inserted my own cup. It gave me hot water. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38882) - you deserved it (4460) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31039) - you deserved it (2406)
On 04/29/2013 at 3:20am - animals - by conbon123 - United States (Oregon)
Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24845) - you deserved it (54666)
On 04/28/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Saudi Arabia
Today, I smoked weed with friends. Stoned, I put on my sister's high heels instead of my Vans and I walked to 7-11. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16553) - you deserved it (65239)
On 04/27/2013 at 2:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was tutoring a band member. Whenever I ask him to play a D or any D scale, he stops just to snicker and say, "Ha ha. D." He still sucks. I hate his guts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32870) - you deserved it (4554)
On 04/25/2013 at 3:55am - work - by justgivemethed - United States (California)
Today, my seven-year-old nephew challenged me to a push up contest in front of my girlfriend. He beat me, and then asked my girlfriend why she's dating a pussy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44661) - you deserved it (18135)
On 04/24/2013 at 12:55am - kids - by BIGCHEIFAAA (man) - United States (California)
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68621) - you deserved it (3076)
On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States
Today, I decided to be playful and leave my girlfriend flowers and chocolates from an "Anonymous Admirer". She immediately dumped me, saying she couldn't be with someone who "isn't even as romantic as a stranger". Yep, I think I just got dumped for myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48644) - you deserved it (6595)
On 04/23/2013 at 7:22pm - love - by BestBF - United States (Nebraska)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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