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gambit990

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gambit990

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  • Number of visits : 1409
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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gambit990's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend gave birth to our first child. Our nurse was the lady I had a one night stand with 3 nights ago, and yes she remembered me. FML

#19584401
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13298) - you deserved it (168886)

On 05/06/2012 at 9:44pm - intimacy - by T3STI (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

#19578544
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17370) - you deserved it (29739)

On 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm - animals - by doggone - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML

#19563224
350 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6722) - you deserved it (87568)

On 05/02/2012 at 12:22pm - love - by f*ck (man) - United States

Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML

#19561833
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14213) - you deserved it (51268) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/02/2012 at 1:06am - love - by Flip (woman) - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I realized that both my husband and son refer to me as "the bitch." FML

#19510821
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17822) - you deserved it (25225)

On 04/22/2012 at 11:34am - misc - by stoggie96 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was pumping gas, when my daughter called me. After I hung up, I put my phone on the car roof while I grabbed my bag. I completely forgot about it and only realized when it shot off the roof as I braked at a traffic light. FML

#19501133
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7640) - you deserved it (20708)

On 04/20/2012 at 1:58pm - misc - by Katelyn - United States (California)

Today, while driving home, I realized I forgot my house key. Luckily, when I arrived home, someone had already broken into my house. Guess I didn't need the key. FML

#19486401
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21381) - you deserved it (1638)

On 04/17/2012 at 8:55pm - misc - by yuuupyup - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I held up my best friend with a lighter shaped like a gun, and jokingly accused him of sleeping with my wife, only to have him admit that he really did. FML

#19477249
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47264) - you deserved it (5193)

On 04/16/2012 at 4:12am - intimacy - by oface13 (man) - United States

Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gun point, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML

#19440828
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15122) - you deserved it (10769)

On 04/10/2012 at 12:35am - health - by logkitty - United States (California)

Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML

#19438168
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22377) - you deserved it (2523)

On 04/09/2012 at 6:32pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was informed that one of my store managers does a "great" impression of me. No one will tell me what it is, but apparently it's really funny. FML

#19416398
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18465) - you deserved it (2095)

On 04/06/2012 at 7:09am - work - by mockable (woman) - United States

Today, I got my license. Instead of congratulating me, my buddies created a betting pool for when I get into a serious accident. Thanks for the support. FML

#19412745
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19233) - you deserved it (3300)

On 04/05/2012 at 4:07pm - misc - by anal4me (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my wife and I went to our friend's house to play some pool. While playing, a Cicada started to fly towards my face, so I flipped my pool stick over and swatted at it with the fat end of the stick. I hit the bug. However, with the skinny side I hit myself in the snow-globes. FML

#19409453
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8037) - you deserved it (18427)

On 04/04/2012 at 10:50pm - misc - by Chris (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while at work, I found a dead dog in a freezer. Turns out it's been in there for over 3 years. FML

#19404286
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25657) - you deserved it (1933)

On 04/03/2012 at 11:27pm - animals - by Scarred (man) - United States (Michigan)



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