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50 favourites
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Judgmental
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Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37988) - you deserved it (4982)
On 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17747) - you deserved it (3360)
On 11/13/2012 at 6:17pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)
Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19170) - you deserved it (1752)
On 11/13/2012 at 7:02am - love - by Med (man) - Netherlands (Groningen)
Today, a homeless man asked me for some money to eat. He ate the five dollars I gave him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18607) - you deserved it (2542)
On 11/13/2012 at 6:34am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store, so I picked up an empty box, closed my eyes, and slow-danced with it to the 80s love ballad playing on the radio. I don't know what's worse, dancing with a box, or opening my eyes to see ten or so wary customers waiting to be served. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5379) - you deserved it (24329)
On 11/13/2012 at 5:23am - work - by foreveralone (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13843) - you deserved it (1274)
On 11/13/2012 at 5:00am - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Wellington)
Today, my brother decided to join me on my first date. Not only did he answer the door with a bat, he also got inside the car and sat next to my date, pushing me to the back. He stayed the entire time, and walked me back to the house. My mom laughed and gave him $20. It was a dare. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20708) - you deserved it (1496)
On 11/12/2012 at 10:47pm - misc - by Mmkay1515 (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read, "Well son, this diary proves that you're a whiny asshole - Dad." Thanks Dad, from beyond the grave. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17580) - you deserved it (3277)
On 11/12/2012 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)
Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29367) - you deserved it (1724)
On 11/12/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by Heather - United States (Maryland)
Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18638) - you deserved it (5215)
On 11/12/2012 at 12:27pm - misc - by mm (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24013) - you deserved it (4083)
On 11/12/2012 at 10:10am - health - by poserpilot - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my mother's boobs while she was sleeping so that he could see what mine would look like when I got older. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20472) - you deserved it (2196)
On 11/12/2012 at 8:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26406) - you deserved it (1575)
On 11/12/2012 at 12:12am - misc - by BulldogHoops - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mom, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML
I agree, your life sucks (180) - you deserved it (6083)
On 11/11/2012 at 5:48pm - love - by notalovestory (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, the father of my unborn child told me he isn't sure he'll be able to make it to the birth, since there's no guarantee of when it will happen, so he can't schedule time off. This would be understandable if he actually had a job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16985) - you deserved it (4249)
On 11/11/2012 at 1:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Monday 17 June 2013
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