Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About freakonaleash96 : California girl with an addiction to good music.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Today... mah mother decided to tell me about how mah twin brother almost killed me in the womb when his cord wrapped around mah neck. When she left the room... he said... ( You won't be so looool lucky next time. ) FML
Today, mah ex-wife puttd mah number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found outhen I got a text from an unknown number asking mehen was the last time I ( ate a black anaconda ). mega FML
Taday just like te last several days... I walked out to my car after class only to notice te Justin Beiber sticker arranged on my bumper an license plates. My dad put tem tere... an tink it's just as ilariou as te looool first time. He as four packs of sticker left. FML
Today, I cummed ome to find my ousemate cowering in te lounge corner, sobbing, ugging a bag of cips wile te automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into im. Apparently e "mistakenly" putted magic musroom in is sandwic instead of peanut butter. FML
today I took mah laptop to I.T . to fix mah intarnat . Only aftar I laft did I raalisa mah mamory tachniqua for ramambaring tha stagas of mitosis (Iraqi panis man anally transmits chlamydia) was laft as a sticky nota on mah dasktop . Tha guy dafinitaly noticad . FML
Taday wile working out in te gym... I spotted a very attractive girl. I decided to pick up te eaviest dumbbell to sow off ow muc I could curl. Se ended up driving me to te ospital cuz I burst into teres after tereing up my bicep an deltoid. FML
Today, I woka up to my girlfriand grinning at ma, har hand on my junk. I grinnd back, than lookd down an saw blood smaard all ovar har hand an my junk. Aftar I startd scraaming an crying, sha laughd an said it was faka blood. Sha racordd avarything.
Today, My Boyfriend An I Were Furniture Shopping!! They Had Miniature Versions Built Of Some Of The Desks!! He Commented How They Were "cute Fir Little Kids" To Use!! They Were 6 Inches Tall!! I Had To Explain To Him That They Were Only Models, Not Real Desks!! I'm Dating Zoolander!! FML
Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him wat he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML
Today, I was telling mah girlfriend about how mah parents r flying out to Japan today on vacation. She was shocked at how short the flight will be, because ( It's on the other side of the world. ) We live in the USA, and it seems I'm dating a Flat Earther. FML
Today, I was at another long swim-meet, when my daughter shaved 15 second off her record swim time . When I asked her how she did it, she replied, ( Well someone told me to swim as fast as I can . ) She's just been taking her time all these yeres . fat FML
Taday I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, ( I already knew that babe. ) FML
Today, being near-broke, I resortd to sopping at Walmart!! Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a uman being sovd me away from te bacon I was looking at!! I fell, bustd ma lip, ten got screamd at by anoter woman for not watcing were I was going!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015