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football70

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football70
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  • Number of visits : 320
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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football70's favorite FMLs

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

#20640404
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54446) - you deserved it (11078)

On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -

Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML

#20639737
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52962) - you deserved it (2707)

On 05/03/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for cheating on her. Her "proof" was an image of me making out with a girl. Pretty damning, except she loaded it up in Photoshop, where I saw the image layers she'd used to fake the whole thing. I'm not sure what the hell she was thinking either. FML

#20637622
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46898) - you deserved it (2747)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:16pm - love - by psycho ex (man) - Brazil

Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML

#20633236
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19733) - you deserved it (36765)

On 04/30/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by itsellie27 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, for a laugh, I put vanilla yogurt into a mayonnaise jar and went to the mall to eat it with a spoon. Too bad that someone called mall security on me for disturbing the peace. They shoved me into a back room and grilled me about what was in the jar. FML

#20632537
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36282) - you deserved it (15906)

On 04/30/2013 at 11:09am - misc - by longsock123 - United States (California)

Today, I met one of my favorite web-comic artists. As I purchased a shirt from their booth he asked, "What size?" I stupidly asked "How big is a small?" He chuckled, "It's small" and chuckled some more. So much for keeping it cool. FML

#20631829
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28479) - you deserved it (6166)

On 04/29/2013 at 11:32pm - misc - by stupidquestionsstupidpeople - United States (Illinois)

Today, my fiancée broke off our engagement. For some bizarre reason, she'd hidden a pair of expensive boots and her iPad underneath our ride-on mower. I turned the mower on and destroyed both without realizing it. According to her, the fault is all mine. FML

#20630400
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45207) - you deserved it (2850)

On 04/29/2013 at 2:07pm - love - by Wow. Really? - United States (Ohio)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML

#20627653
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43981) - you deserved it (5670)

On 04/28/2013 at 1:32pm - love - by gibbette (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

#20627240
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45543) - you deserved it (9790)

On 04/28/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by Anonymous - China (Shanghai)

Today, I was in the middle of having a shower when I noticed a camera hidden in the corner of the room pointing directly towards the shower which I stood in butt-naked. I live by myself and have recently only moved in. FML

#20627067
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55756) - you deserved it (2580)

On 04/28/2013 at 6:30am - misc - by wtfisgoingon (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML

#20563419
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30141) - you deserved it (16994)

On 03/28/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by couch_potato (man) -

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60630) - you deserved it (5774)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML

#20555528
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34708) - you deserved it (5203)

On 03/22/2013 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

#20554606
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42763) - you deserved it (5788)

On 03/22/2013 at 1:28am - love - by eww. (woman) - Australia

Today, I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes, to which he replied, "Try jogging asshole" then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML

#20553491
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31951) - you deserved it (2300)

On 03/21/2013 at 9:31am - misc - by WetWalking - United States (Texas)



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