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fml0505

Offline (the 11/18/2014 at 6:29pm) | Search for a member

fml0505

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 30 May 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1258
  • Number of comments : 63
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About fml0505 : What can I say really? I'm just your average guy, completely normal in every way. I enjoy hanging out with friends, listening to music, reading, admiring the beauty of mother nature, and lathering myself up in butter and pretending to be a slug.

Other than that, I spend most of my time making tin foil hats so the government can't hear my thoughts, and blogging about cats. Just like everyone else.

If you can guess which person I am in the picture, I'll send you a custom tin foil hat free of charge. Namaste.

fml0505's page activity

Visits<b>sailing_is_life</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 10:02pm<b>seninaa</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 1:00pm<b>wookieewhosshe</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 3:10am<b>naharaim256</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 4:55pm<b>Queen_Bitch69</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 9:05am<b>giselle_is_drunk</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 7:47am<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 10:40pm<b>Carrotop12</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 8:55pm<b>The_Curvy_Girl</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 3:35pm<b>lochiamochia</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 4:10am<b>DJisHere11</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 4:00am<b>ksadhera</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 1:21pm<b>manchesterUK</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 6:16am<b>ldemosthenous</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 2:18am<b>Silly_Lilly6969</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 10:27am<b>Nsswimmer</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 8:06am<b>rachhhh91</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 12:53am<b>xDochx</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 12:09pm

fml0505's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of fml0505's badges

fml0505's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40745) - you deserved it (25675)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

#20830594
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42099) - you deserved it (4891)

On 08/10/2013 at 11:23am - health - by Oh-Shit! - United States

Today, my new husband and I were called up to have our first dance at our wedding. While I rested my head on his shoulder, he whispered the most romantic thing to me: "Your breath stinks." FML

#20830424
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46544) - you deserved it (10854)

On 08/10/2013 at 6:48am - love - by fml (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML

#20640984
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51794) - you deserved it (4296)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:46pm - misc - by immovingout (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML

#20630276
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47770) - you deserved it (12077)

On 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

#20615694
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70671) - you deserved it (9334)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Soundofaboner - United States

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I sat on an unopened folding chair to avoid the effort of opening it up. FML

#20587700
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14802) - you deserved it (94829)

On 04/13/2013 at 7:22am - misc - by mets300 - United States (New York)

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

#20562056
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41073) - you deserved it (5327)

On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML

#20526564
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35429) - you deserved it (6787)

On 03/01/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML

#20486320
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34274) - you deserved it (2834)

On 01/30/2013 at 2:59pm - health - by cay - United States (New York)

Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil tempted her. FML

#20195064
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34028) - you deserved it (1855)

On 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm - misc - by sonofahypocriticalwhore (man) - United States

Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML

#20191114
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10911) - you deserved it (20987)

On 12/04/2012 at 4:34pm - work - by Adan - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized that at age 54, I'm no longer young enough to go commando anymore. Every time I sneezed today, I peed myself. FML

#20102528
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17095) - you deserved it (10913)

On 10/05/2012 at 4:14am - health - by Darla (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

#20090283
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18792) - you deserved it (2380)

On 09/26/2012 at 10:29pm - love - by - Canada (Ontario)



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