Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

fml0505

Offline (the 03/21/2015 at 12:44pm) | Search for a member

fml0505

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 30 May 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1532
  • Number of comments : 67
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About fml0505 : I'm a businessman who doubles as a door to door Mormon recruiter. I'll hand you a bible and sell you shit all at the same time. I'm very good. So good that I can convince grown ass, free thinking adults into believing Mormonism, and then sell them a vacuum. Because cleanliness is next to godliness.

fml0505's page activity

Visits<b>soccercrewluv10</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 9:25pm<b>ButterflyHaze</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 11:48pm<b>CreatingReality</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 6:07am<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 1:18pm<b>ExorcistParrot</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 4:44am<b>stuckintime</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 7:46pm<b>thefmlman2011</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 8:34pm<b>Lesser</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 11:22pm<b>noobsatin</b> - the 01/18/2015 at 12:33am<b>GalaxyShots</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 3:41pm<b>Coocoo257</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 9:10pm<b>meli1195</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 2:32am<b>Rababco</b> - the 01/07/2015 at 6:28pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 01/07/2015 at 3:01pm<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 01/07/2015 at 12:55pm<b>dylanhasemann</b> - the 01/07/2015 at 3:47am<b>origamidragon</b> - the 01/07/2015 at 3:16am<b>sam882</b> - the 01/07/2015 at 12:25am

fml0505's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of fml0505's badges

fml0505's favorite FMLs

Today... I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked... "Wat'ca got tere?" He said... "U... tat's my dick... Mike." FML

#21235845
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43353) - you deserved it (27722)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

TODAYHILE AT A PRIVATE LAKE, MAH COLON DECLARED A STATE OF EVACUATION. I VENTURED AS FAR FROM MAH FAMILY AS MAH SPHINCTER WOULD ALLOW, ONLY TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH TWO VERY HORRIFIED KAYAKERS MID-EXPLOSION. FML

#20830594
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42221) - you deserved it (4901)

On 08/10/2013 at 11:23am - health - by Oh-Shit! - United States

my new husband and I were calld up to have our first dance at our wedding. While I restd mah head on his shoulder, he whisperd the most romantic thing to me: "Your breath stinks." FML

#20830424
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47890) - you deserved it (11243)

On 08/10/2013 at 6:48am - love - by fml (woman) - United States (Michigan)

I mat mah naw roommata. Sha has a lifa-siza cardboard cutout of Justin looool Biabar in har room, which I'va saan har having actual convarsations with twica alraady. I hava to shara a badroom with this psycho. FML

#20640984
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53424) - you deserved it (4434)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:46pm - misc - by immovingout (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of mah breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML

#20630276
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47890) - you deserved it (12097)

On 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today,hile practicing a song in choir , I got a boner!! Trying to cover it up , I trid sitting down!! My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of thehole class!! FML

#20615694
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70861) - you deserved it (9350)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Soundofaboner - United States

Taday mah laziness hit a new low when I sat on an unopened folding chair to avoid the effort of opening it up. FML

#20587700
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15165) - you deserved it (95791)

On 04/13/2013 at 7:22am - misc - by mets300 - United States (New York)

TODAY, I CAME HOME FROM A RELAXING, PEACEFUL VACATION. WHEN I GOT HOME MY 4-YEAR-OLD SON WAS FREE-BALLING WITH POOP ALL OVER HIS BODY, SCREAMING "BOB THE BUILDER WILL KICK YUR ASS." THE BABY SITTER IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND AND I CAN'T GET HIM TO STOP SAYING, "I LOVE ASS." FML

#20562056
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42164) - you deserved it (5453)

On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my wife packed my lunc . Inside of my luncbox was a poto of er eating my sandwices . FML

#20526564
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35578) - you deserved it (6795)

On 03/01/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I Was Trying To Sleep Away A Fever,hen My Grandma Woke Me Up !! She Was Sitting Next To Me, Shoving Gummy Beres Into My Mouth Until I Startd Choking !! She Laughd, Ran Away, And Denid Everything !! FML

#20486320
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35281) - you deserved it (2910)

On 01/30/2013 at 2:59pm - health - by cay - United States (New York)

my mom bitchd me out and threatend to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently ( immoral behavior. ) This is the same woman who cheatd on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil temptd her. FML

#20195064
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35514) - you deserved it (1968)

On 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm - misc - by sonofahypocriticalwhore (man) - United States

Today My Boss Was Telling Everyone That He Knew A Guy Who Went To A College At Which Multiple People Were Shot An Killd Recently. Being Extremely Socially Awkward An Uncomfortable I Blurtd "That's Awesome." Now Everyone In The Office Is Terrifid Of Me. FML

#20191114
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10984) - you deserved it (21073)

On 12/04/2012 at 4:34pm - work - by Adan - United States (Washington)

TODAY, I REALIZED THAT AT AGE 54, I'M NO LONGER YOUNG ENOUGH TO GO COMMANDO ANYMORE. EVERY TIME I SNEEZED TODAY, I PEED MYSELF. FML

#20102528
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18401) - you deserved it (11552)

On 10/05/2012 at 4:14am - health - by Darla (woman) - United States (California)

Today, mah grlfriend looool told mehat turns her on: cheese. fat FML

#20090283
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19510) - you deserved it (2456)

On 09/26/2012 at 10:29pm - love - by - Canada (Ontario)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: