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About fml0505 : I'm just your average guy. For starters, I'm a member of the Westboro Baptist Church. I kill the time traveling to protests by listening to Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus. They are my favorite.
Besides my religious affiliations and musical tastes, I am a cat lover. I have 12 of them and I am looking for lucky number 13! When I'm not tending to the overflowing litter boxes strewn across my house, I make custom cat sweaters.
My favorite TV shows are Honey Boo Boo, Jersey Shore, The Bachelorette, Toddlers for Tiaras, and all the different versions of Real Housewives. I only watch reality TV, more specifically; the kind that shows humanity at our finest and inspires me to become a better person.
One more thing; I use hashtags and lol in everyday conversation, all while tweeting my every thought and uploading hundreds of pictures of myself on Instagram.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML
Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML
Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML
Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil tempted her. FML
Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML
Friday 18 April 2014