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Offline (the 11/20/2016 at 8:25am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 30 May 1991 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3698
  • Number of comments : 69
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About fml0505 : I'm just an ordinary towel, in a lot of ways. I was a colorful, soft, and gentle soul. Full of purpose, and eager to help. Always there to wrap around your shoulders and make everything seem alright. I waited and waited for these moments, and you'd always come back. I didn't mind waiting, if it was for you. I never felt like I was alone.

Until the day you stopped coming.

Left out to dry, I drifted into the darkness and slowly withered away. My minds eye had nowhere to look but inward, and there it stayed. Never blinking, never faltering; always peering down on me, demanding that I look back, demanding that I see who I really am.

I was always alone... I'm just a towel.

fml0505's page activity

Visits<b>im_a_squid</b> - the 10/17/2016 at 10:17am<b>betweenwinds</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 12:27am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 05/05/2016 at 5:46pm<b>hollenbackam</b> - the 04/23/2016 at 11:17pm<b>onlychildFTW</b> - the 04/23/2016 at 2:20pm<b>ScratchCatPower</b> - the 04/23/2016 at 1:21pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 04/23/2016 at 3:35am<b>anngrace2005</b> - the 02/20/2016 at 1:44pm<b>panromantic</b> - the 02/14/2016 at 9:48pm<b>coyotefox</b> - the 02/14/2016 at 10:32am<b>am1717</b> - the 02/14/2016 at 10:02am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 9:19am<b>NonScaryPumkin</b> - the 12/10/2015 at 10:53pm<b>ms1114</b> - the 12/04/2015 at 4:36pm<b>Cyrus00</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 11:44pm<b>Kami123</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 4:22pm<b>madi113</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 2:47pm<b>ehandiedroll</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 1:56pm

Fucked!<b>im_a_squid</b> - the 07/10/2016 at 4:25am<b>UndeadCity9</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 9:40pm<b>dusthar</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 4:08am<b>blue15564</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 3:31am<b>Kristy110</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 6:40am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 4:12pm<b>TheBelt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 3:29am<b>DarksideDoll</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 8:44pm<b>Chickenlips21</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 6:25pm<b>redbootsarecool</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 5:11pm<b>coyotefox</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 1:06pm<b>justmenooneelse</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 7:59am<b>fbcclaire</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 7:19am<b>sarcasm_insanity</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 5:51am<b>fvck_my_life_7</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 11:18pm<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 8:41pm<b>DamnBailie</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 8:17pm<b>vikky538</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 7:50pm

fml0505's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!


You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.


You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of fml0505's badges

fml0505's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

by not a dick-man / 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

by Oh-Shit! / 08/10/2013 at 11:23am / United States / Health

Today, my new husband and I were called up to have our first dance at our wedding. While I rested my head on his shoulder, he whispered the most romantic thing to me: "Your breath stinks." FML

by fml / 08/10/2013 at 6:48am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

by nicholascageonyourface / 06/09/2013 at 1:13am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML

by immovingout / 05/04/2013 at 1:46pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Health

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

by Soundofaboner / 04/23/2013 at 12:08pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I sat on an unopened folding chair to avoid the effort of opening it up. FML

by mets300 / 04/13/2013 at 7:22am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

by Anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Holidays

Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML

by Anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML

by cay / 01/30/2013 at 2:59pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil tempted her. FML

by sonofahypocriticalwhore / 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML

by Adan / 12/04/2012 at 4:34pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I realized that at age 54, I'm no longer young enough to go commando anymore. Every time I sneezed today, I peed myself. FML

by Darla / 10/05/2012 at 4:14am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

by / 09/26/2012 at 10:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love