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flipflopstar5

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flipflopstar5's page activity

Visits<b>larson15</b> - the 06/05/2013 at 2:05am

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flipflopstar5's favorite FMLs

Today, at my retail job, a woman came to my till with her purchases. After I scanned all her items, she handed me two small bags. One was filled with nickels and dimes. The other was filled with cents. Her total was $28.53. The coins amounted to $22.30. FML

#20490092
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30698) - you deserved it (2394)

On 02/02/2013 at 9:53am - work - by fuckedbyretail (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML

#20458321
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35378) - you deserved it (3091)

On 01/14/2013 at 12:52am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

#20448629
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34302) - you deserved it (2767)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my son sprayed Axe body-spray all over the house in the vain hope of covering up the scent of the joints he'd been smoking. FML

#20446338
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28212) - you deserved it (4557)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML

#20161591
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25009) - you deserved it (2506)

On 11/13/2012 at 7:02am - love - by Med (man) - Netherlands (Groningen)

Today, I met my husband's family for the first time. My nightmare versions were better. FML

#20055328
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22466) - you deserved it (2437)

On 09/03/2012 at 4:47am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

#20003323
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28727) - you deserved it (6012)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

#19623439
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38015) - you deserved it (3972) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm - misc - by lafinesse (woman) -

Today, I was walking down the street, when an aging lady bumped into me and fell over. I helped her up and she thanked me for being "such a nice young man". It was only an hour later as I was in line at the store that I realized she had pickpocketed me of my wallet. FML

#19539590
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26950) - you deserved it (2171)

On 04/27/2012 at 9:55pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my coworker was talking to me about how there's always that one person in a group of friends that everyone secretly dislikes and laughs at. I realized that person is me. FML

#19434317
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21882) - you deserved it (2535)

On 04/09/2012 at 1:07am - misc - by Foreveralone (woman) - United States

Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML

#19099160
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25681) - you deserved it (6899)

On 02/17/2012 at 8:25am - misc - by BOOP - United States (Montana)

Today, I got a speeding ticket while taking my drivers license test. FML

Today, I found out how painful it is when your ceiling fan falls on you. FML

#17337129
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33474) - you deserved it (2893)

On 08/01/2011 at 10:46pm - misc - by Username - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom insisted on putting sunscreen on me. I closed my eyes and shut my mouth while she rubbed some on my face. Halfway through, I burped. I opened my mouth just in time to get a large glob of sunscreen in it. FML

#16851890
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15027) - you deserved it (32454)

On 06/25/2011 at 3:58pm - health - by Unberable (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in the shower getting ready for a date, when my older sister thought it would be a laugh to turn out the light. Getting out of the shower to turn it back on, I slipped and hit on my head on the counter. Thanks, sis. FML

#8250617
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22200) - you deserved it (2649)

On 02/14/2010 at 2:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)



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