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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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flipflopsssxo

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flipflopsssxo
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  • Number of visits : 2293
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML

#4053619 (179)

I agree, your life sucks (16750) - you deserved it (39916)

On 07/26/2009 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML

#4046377 (746)

I agree, your life sucks (81754) - you deserved it (24061)

On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - love - by treegirl (woman) - United States

Today, I was at the waterpark. I decided to go down a slide shaped like a funnel. On the way down, my bikini bottom untied. Then I got lodged in a V shape, arse first, in the hole at the funnel exit, exposing myself to the entire pool until I could slither out. FML

#2583409 (325)

I agree, your life sucks (42454) - you deserved it (5428)

On 06/03/2009 at 10:14pm - misc - by canadiankc (man) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

#2532710 (1201)

I agree, your life sucks (55737) - you deserved it (136044)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML

#2471479 (257)

I agree, your life sucks (59895) - you deserved it (8400)

On 05/31/2009 at 5:10pm - intimacy - by fmeplease (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my husband of ten years was playing the Sims. I asked him about the house he built. Apparently, it was his dream house, and he recreated himself as a Sim so he could live in it. Then I asked him where the wife was. There was no wife. It was his happy place. FML

#2464746 (158)

I agree, your life sucks (40382) - you deserved it (7052)

On 05/31/2009 at 1:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - Poland (Katowice)

Today, I was getting ready for my first date with a boy I really like when my dad insisted on meeting him. My dad is super protective and a cop. He cleaned his gun in front of my date and made it clear he had to be careful with me. My date started to cry when we got to the car. FML

#2376689 (390)

I agree, your life sucks (54108) - you deserved it (3907)

On 05/28/2009 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I dreamed that I met this beautiful girl at a restaurant and we ended up having lunch together. Everything was going perfect until the end when I tried to get her number and she wouldn't give it to me. I can't even get a girl in my dreams. FML

#2335998 (105)

I agree, your life sucks (44938) - you deserved it (4451)

On 05/27/2009 at 5:48am - love - by xpxp2002 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while playing The Sims 2, I realized I had a virtual person's whole life planned out, and have nothing planned out for myself. FML

#2282395 (155)

I agree, your life sucks (15727) - you deserved it (32967)

On 05/25/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by drurbanXVII (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to use my mentor's advice. I told her I had been having some trouble controlling my anger, she told me to throw rocks at trees. I threw a rock at a tree, very hard. It bounced back hit me above the eye. I'm still pissed as shit. FML

#2238808 (206)

I agree, your life sucks (41862) - you deserved it (13238)

On 05/24/2009 at 12:03pm - misc - by untitledentity (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML

#2234853 (445)

I agree, your life sucks (12033) - you deserved it (94338)

On 05/24/2009 at 5:49am - misc - by AyoitsSteveo (man) - United States (California)

Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML

#2230053 (169)

I agree, your life sucks (8819) - you deserved it (40568)

On 05/24/2009 at 1:01am - misc - by Clueless (woman) - United States

Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML

#2044978 (63)

I agree, your life sucks (7033) - you deserved it (35466)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:04am - work - by hipthrustdude (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML

#2009898 (183)

I agree, your life sucks (47577) - you deserved it (16516)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

#2009053 (704)

I agree, your life sucks (120452) - you deserved it (28815)

On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)