About flea_of_death : Okay, editing this now that I'm on a computer and don't have to worry about autocorrect. First off, I don't care if you love me or hate me. I'll say what I want to say. Second, I'm busy with school, so if you message me and I don't respond for a while, please don't be offended! Third, I rarely comment because I hate dealing with dumb people. Anything else, feel free to message me!
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Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19619) - you deserved it (41770)
On 05/28/2013 at 7:42pm - work - by Amber - United States (California)
Today, I confessed to my girlfriend that I cheated on her. She told me that she needed time to think, and left. An hour later, her dad came by with a baseball bat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20936) - you deserved it (107327)
On 05/28/2013 at 12:51pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55709) - you deserved it (11988)
On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was visiting my new in-laws for the first time. During an awkward silence, I took my phone and figured I'd send my friend a text jokingly saying "Mayday, mayday! Somebody save me!" My mood lightened up a little and I felt quite well until my mother-in-law's phone beeped. Yep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20223) - you deserved it (39395)
On 05/28/2013 at 7:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)
Today, I was stuck home with a cold when my boyfriend's best friend sent me a text saying, "You doing alright?" I replied, thinking he was talking about my health. He replied, "I'm surprised you're taking the breakup so well." What breakup? Mine. He was ten minutes too soon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47599) - you deserved it (2268)
On 05/28/2013 at 4:09am - love - by really? (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while working at Walmart, I was walking the sales floor and passed the end of an aisle. I saw a customer coming at me from the corner of my eye, so I jumped backwards. I hit a display case, and watched it topple over before turning to apologize to the customer. It was a ladder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31846) - you deserved it (7996)
On 05/28/2013 at 3:11am - work - by Olerbia - United States
Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41277) - you deserved it (3446)
On 05/27/2013 at 4:18pm - work - by fuck you retail (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45951) - you deserved it (20991)
On 05/27/2013 at 7:19am - misc - by i hit a cyclist (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)
Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51223) - you deserved it (3166)
On 05/26/2013 at 8:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I borrowed my boyfriend's laptop. Out of curiosity, I clicked through the bookmarks in his web browser. One of them took me to a site dedicated to sex stories featuring characters from My Little Pony. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37841) - you deserved it (14835)
On 05/26/2013 at 4:50pm - misc - by bestiality? do I look like a pig? (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I cut my bangs. When I asked my boyfriend if he liked it he said, "It's like I'm dating a new girl, this way I won't get bored with you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40081) - you deserved it (6524)
On 05/26/2013 at 10:15am - love - by thenewgirlfriend - United States (Texas)
Today, I was in bed with my fiancé. After a while of quiet cuddling, I said, "Babe, I have cold feet." He replied with, "Me too. Let's call off the wedding." I was talking about the actual temperature of my feet. Our wedding is tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53400) - you deserved it (6842)
Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight of stairs. When I got to the bottom, a man tackled me to the ground thinking I was stealing the woman's luggage. As I lay in pain, he ran up the stairs to return the suitcase and the poor woman had to carry it down on her own. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47893) - you deserved it (2345)
On 05/26/2013 at 5:19am - misc - by gooddeedgonebad (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I changed my teacher's PowerPoint picture to me making a funny face. He saw it and changed it to a picture of him, with a middle finger. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15865) - you deserved it (41270)
On 05/26/2013 at 2:46am - work - by ChangoFett - United States (California)
Today, one of my boyfriend's friends commented on how small my boobs are. My boyfriend defended me, saying it was only because I was wearing a sports bra. I wasn't. It was the push-up bra he bought me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43892) - you deserved it (3595)
On 05/25/2013 at 7:12pm - love - by Anonymous - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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