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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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fivealive143

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fivealive143
  • Town/Country : canada
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3557
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 13 posted

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fivealive143's favorite FMLs

Today, I was on my computer when the girl that I really like instant-messages me. I went to type back, accidentally pressed control-V, and posted an entire article on how to remove genital warts. FML

#5579268 (123)

I agree, your life sucks (9848) - you deserved it (29144)

On 10/01/2009 at 1:58am - health - by Garrett (man) - United States (Oregon) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

#5464922 (118)

I agree, your life sucks (8376) - you deserved it (29931)

On 09/25/2009 at 11:24am - misc - by Needasafe1234 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I missed my bus by a minute. I called up my step dad asking him if he can drive me because I had a test first period. After about calling him twenty times, and him not picking up, I see him drive by the bus stop pointing at me and laughing hysterically. FML

#5448757 (147)

I agree, your life sucks (32330) - you deserved it (2593)

On 09/24/2009 at 3:44pm - misc - by NotFunny (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw a youtube video of a guy scratching a knife and a screwdriver on his Ipod and at the end he showed how there was no scratches and the Ipod screen was clean. So I took my brand new Ipod touch and did the same with a knife. It didn't work. FML

#5355612 (479)

I agree, your life sucks (9100) - you deserved it (148577)

On 09/19/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by MgmEboy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

#4882481 (409)

I agree, your life sucks (52109) - you deserved it (11872)

On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was volunteering at the library. A kid came up and asked me to help him peel the back off his sticker. It took me so long the kid left. Determined, I still tried to peel it off. Fifteen minutes later, the librarian came over, looked once at it, and told me it wasn't a sticker. FML

#4484450 (70)

I agree, your life sucks (7327) - you deserved it (26332)

On 08/12/2009 at 8:34pm - work - by librarygirl (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year old boy. FML

#4478498 (197)

I agree, your life sucks (42203) - you deserved it (5130)

On 08/12/2009 at 4:13pm - misc - by auslander (man) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML

#4462410 (240)

I agree, your life sucks (918) - you deserved it (2436)

On 08/11/2009 at 11:07pm - kids - by ahhahaha (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replies, "you farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML

#4440172 (88)

I agree, your life sucks (39073) - you deserved it (5365)

On 08/11/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opens the door and walks over to me, swinging her hips, wearing pratically nothing. About four feet from me, she trips on the edge of the floor mat, and uses my 'junk' to catch herself. FML

#3950301 (181)

I agree, your life sucks (63750) - you deserved it (4385)

On 07/22/2009 at 10:12am - intimacy - by Gordon (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I lost my cell phone. Since I sleep on the couch, I started looking through the cushions. I didn't find my phone, but after 6 months of uncomfortably sleeping on the couch, I find out I'm sleeping on top of a pull out bed. FML

#3550843 (134)

I agree, your life sucks (12981) - you deserved it (41579)

On 07/07/2009 at 10:34am - misc - by stupid (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay. My mom said "Yeah, we know." When I asked how they knew, my dad, without looking up from the tv, said, "We've been monitoring your Internet history." FML

#3330800 (178)

I agree, your life sucks (36140) - you deserved it (10871)

On 06/29/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Asterisk1009 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

#3192725 (314)

I agree, your life sucks (66496) - you deserved it (9148)

On 06/25/2009 at 12:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went over to my boyfriends house with a few people. I drank too much wine and later when everyone else left I gave him head, deepthroating a little too enthusiastically, and puked all over his cock and bedsheets. Turns out, washing vomit out of your pubes kills the mood somewhat. FML

#2881257 (206)

I agree, your life sucks (8245) - you deserved it (40067)

On 06/14/2009 at 9:08am - intimacy - by ohdeardarling (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I dreamed that I met this beautiful girl at a restaurant and we ended up having lunch together. Everything was going perfect until the end when I tried to get her number and she wouldn't give it to me. I can't even get a girl in my dreams. FML

#2335998 (105)

I agree, your life sucks (44932) - you deserved it (4450)

On 05/27/2009 at 5:48am - love - by xpxp2002 (man) - United States (Ohio)