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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Socialite
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19942) - you deserved it (32926)
On 05/15/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by badboyfriends (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I found out the tattoo signifying my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18060) - you deserved it (41746)
On 05/14/2009 at 3:57pm - love - by branded (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12588) - you deserved it (95310)
On 05/06/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by FakeID (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (146573) - you deserved it (38935)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I found out that the horrible stench haunting my apartment for the past week was the decomposing corpse of my freedom loving gerbil underneath the bed that I've been sleeping on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37186) - you deserved it (8141)
On 04/29/2009 at 12:52am - misc - by broomrape (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, after two months of unemployment, I got a call from a marketing firm offering me an interview for an entry-level position. While Googling the company, I discovered it's a scam. I graduated college in 3 years with a 3.5 GPA, and the only interview I can get is at a fake company. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43329) - you deserved it (3424)
On 04/27/2009 at 3:46pm - work - by Journo (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19212) - you deserved it (94356)
On 04/27/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by BARF (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was dressing in my apartment when I noticed I left the blinds open. Outside, a maintenance man was mowing the grass within eyeshot. I figured I'd leave the blinds open and give him a little peek of the goods. Later I found a note on my window saying, 'Next time, close the blinds'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16828) - you deserved it (85373)
On 04/16/2009 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About 2 minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46433) - you deserved it (16531)
On 04/14/2009 at 10:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I went to Britney's concert. About halfway through the show, the person next to me turns to me and asks, "Can you do me a favour?" Thinking that she wanted me to look after her stuff, I said sure. Her next sentence was: "Can you stop singing?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27934) - you deserved it (30069)
On 04/11/2009 at 4:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my sister told my mother how she saw our neighbour's son at the movies with a girl and that they were kissing. My mother said that any girl willing to date someone so ugly must have self esteem issues and they laughed. I'm his girlfriend, my sister didn't recognize me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59540) - you deserved it (3066)
On 04/08/2009 at 9:14pm - love - by ready_set_go (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I don't know very well. He told me to dress in formal attire so I assumed he was taking me to a nice dinner. He took me to his brothers wedding, and introduced me as "the one" to his entire family. FML
I agree, your life sucks (91061) - you deserved it (5848)
On 03/31/2009 at 6:44am - love - by lizzardbreath (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (314276) - you deserved it (41287)
On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27974) - you deserved it (121014)
On 03/16/2009 at 1:29pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I finally got the courage to tell my best friend that I've had a crush on him since our junior year. Since I couldn't see him I shot him a text. His response: "Yeah I know. I've tried kind of ignoring it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (65108) - you deserved it (5750)
On 03/13/2009 at 3:27am - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Monday 17 June 2013
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