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fhsfootball81

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  • Number of visits : 177
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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fhsfootball81's page activity

Visits<b>Jessica0928</b> - the 08/13/2013 at 6:11pm<b>darwinism</b> - the 08/13/2013 at 1:51pm<b>ophel1a</b> - the 04/27/2013 at 1:11am

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fhsfootball81's favorite FMLs

Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to stay out of our apartment. About half-way through, my roomate blared "The Eye of the Tiger" from the other side of the door. My girlfriend laughed so hard that we couldn't finish. FML

#20733192
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56933) - you deserved it (7997)

On 06/18/2013 at 12:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my parents took my iPad back to the store and exchanged it for two cheap knock off tablets. Reason being my little brother threatened to run away because I had one and he didn't. I bought the iPad on my own after graduation. They kept the difference in price. FML

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

#20732635
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57353) - you deserved it (4095)

On 06/18/2013 at 1:01am - kids - by imarriedanaxemurderer (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

#20731946
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59219) - you deserved it (37006)

On 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm - kids - by young grandpa - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML

#20731650
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74340) - you deserved it (6771)

On 06/17/2013 at 3:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML

#20731352
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68980) - you deserved it (3957)

On 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by hinting (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy; I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off all eyes turned to me. FML

#20731175
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41538) - you deserved it (13618)

On 06/17/2013 at 9:55am - health - by nomwar (woman) - United States

Today, getting off a bus, it was pouring rain so I got my umbrella out. A man elbowed me in the gut and grabbed it. When I told my mom about it she said, "That's New York, get over it." FML

#20731128
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40803) - you deserved it (5141)

On 06/17/2013 at 8:46am - misc - by newyorkers - United States (New York)

Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML

#20730822
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48892) - you deserved it (10186)

On 06/17/2013 at 1:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter had ice cream while I was napping. She didn't want me to know so she put the bowl in the trashcan and put the spoon in the garbage disposal and turned it on, because she thought it would make the spoon disappear. FML

#20730678
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41927) - you deserved it (5231)

On 06/17/2013 at 12:33am - kids - by cherbear1000 - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went fishing with my dad. I figured, since we were out on the dock, I may as well get rid of my farmer's tan. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up to a fishing net draped over me. I now have a fishnet pattern down the front of my body. FML

#20730236
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39182) - you deserved it (11179)

On 06/16/2013 at 9:39pm - misc - by jhughes1997 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my daughter found out what happens when my husband watches Mythbusters and doesn't heed the disclaimer to "Not try this at home." He feels bad about her cut face, but says he's proud he can throw a playing card that hard. FML

Today, I woke up to my bratty younger sister cutting through my hair with a pair of scissors. I now look like a freak, and my mum bitched me out for being angry, all because my sister claimed she'd been sleep-walking. Her demented smirk said otherwise. FML

#20729503
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48863) - you deserved it (2757)

On 06/16/2013 at 2:49pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML

#20707414
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42840) - you deserved it (13814)

On 06/05/2013 at 12:03pm - animals - by SHIT-BREATH (man) - United Kingdom (Monmouthshire)

Today, I found out my work gave me a vacation for my performance. It's a trip to somewhere in the Caribbean, with the nickname "The Sunniest Place on Earth." I have skin cancer. FML

#20706766
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50976) - you deserved it (3735)

On 06/05/2013 at 12:22am - health - by TooSunnyForSkin - United States (Indiana)



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