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Offline (the 12/28/2014 at 4:28pm) | Search for a member
About felidsentry : I'm a dude. Yay.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
I NEED to know!
2day It's Been Two Months Since I Got A Kitten. He Loves To Hide, An Then Surprise Me By Jumping Out Of His Hiding Place. It Was Quite A Surprise When He Launched Himself Out Of Mah Bag During Class. FML
Today, I'm getting marrid. A few months ago, I allowd my mother in-law to take care of catering. She beggd to be a part of the wedding, so I gave her the caterer's number an order info. It appears that I will not be eating at my own wedding because she decidd to order food I'm allergic to. mega FML
Yesterday, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close shehispered to me ( Mmm, you've got a nice tushie. ) My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML
Today , after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship , girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body withhipped cream. Except , we didn't have any in the fridge , so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of herhile fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Taday mah mom had the option of choosing anywhere in the worldhere we could go on vacation. We live in the USA and she chose to fly to Texas, rent an RV, and drive to Florida. Anywhere in the world. FML
2day on my shift as a nurse, I askd a pregnant woman wat she would name her child. She said she saw the name ( Chlamydia ) on a billboard and decidd to name her daughter that, saying it was ( beautiful. ) I informd her that it was an STD, and she replid, ( Oh, well no one knows that! ) FML
Today, a cyclone hit my city. Though everywhere else is flooding, my house is fine. Well, that was until the toilet decided to overflow an regurgitate the entire town's sewerage. So now my only bathroom is covered in sewage, an I can't go anywhere else because of the flooding. FML
Today..!! I Was On A Ladder At Work..!! Fetching Some Stock From One Of The Storage Shelves!! Some Teenage Kid Thought It Would Be Fucking Hilarious To Grab The Ladder And Violently Shake It!! He Hadn't Bet On Me Bieng Startld Enough To Fall Off And Fracture Mah Elbow On The Floor!! FML
Taday at mah cousin's brthday party... mah grandma took me to one side... slippd me a pad... an startd ranting that tampons ( steal your vrginity ) an that I should never use looool them. Well... okay then. FML
Friday 27 March 2015