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fbhorn

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1929
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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fbhorn's favorite FMLs

Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML

#14170745
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34543) - you deserved it (4480)

On 12/11/2010 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, it was my boyfriend's parents' anniversary so I thought I'd do something to impress them. I made them chocolate-covered strawberries. But for some reason they gave me really dirty looks when they saw it. Turns out his mother is allergic to strawberries and his father is allergic to chocolate. FML

#12916563
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33132) - you deserved it (4690)

On 09/05/2010 at 11:49am - misc - by wakinginvegas87 - United States (California)

Today, while at work, I started to feel sick to my stomach, hot, and dizzy. My co-worker told me to go home. On the way through the locker room to get my stuff, I experienced a dizzy spell so severe, I blacked out and pooped myself. No one in the building is going to let me forget this. FML

#12646207
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30861) - you deserved it (2778)

On 08/20/2010 at 2:40pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my date sent me a text saying "I'm sorry we're running late, we will be there shortly." I replied asking what she meant by "we". She said her parents, who were coming along to chaperone. I laughed about two 27 year olds having chaperones, until she walked in with her parents. FML

#6258074
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34399) - you deserved it (2943)

On 11/11/2009 at 1:53pm - love - by Tragics (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids. When we were on the Ferris wheel, I discovered my fear of heights. I hyperventilated, screamed from our seat "LET ME OUT! OH GOD LET ME OUT!!" I also began crying hysterically. They stopped the ride for me to get off. I'm a 45 year old man. FML

#4970470
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38807) - you deserved it (14484)

On 09/01/2009 at 2:30am - health - by pussyOUT (man) - United States

Today, at work I had to use the bathroom. I asked my boss to watch my register and quickly walked into the bathroom. I squatted down and peed. A minute later I heard someone ask over our walkie talkie system who was using the bathroom. I had been pressing the intercom button while I peed. FML

#3456831
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30525) - you deserved it (11740)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:19pm - work - by PeePee (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML

#3361418
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55874) - you deserved it (8576)

On 06/30/2009 at 7:53am - health - by poopshooter101 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML

#527563
372 comments

I agree, your life sucks (173653) - you deserved it (30351)

On 03/22/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Malta

Today, I was rejected from the University of Washington. My dad has been a professor there for 30 years, and is on the board of admissions. FML

#366764
348 comments

I agree, your life sucks (394791) - you deserved it (89697)

On 03/16/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

#267368
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23617) - you deserved it (74672)

On 03/11/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by theassman (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

#132176
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20942) - you deserved it (37570)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:31am - misc - by riappp (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML

#61152
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43242) - you deserved it (8302)

On 02/17/2009 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by KS (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

#7193
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38586) - you deserved it (1889)

On 02/04/2009 at 2:53am - animals - by RustyBulletHole - United States (Illinois)



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