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fbhorn

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  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1967
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Visits<b>thatkidhesh</b> - the 06/28/2013 at 4:42pm<b>Catkam623</b> - the 05/14/2013 at 2:08pm<b>Vanessa_Leeann26</b> - the 03/29/2013 at 6:42pm<b>ImAFaker</b> - the 03/15/2013 at 1:32am<b>Ergayles</b> - the 02/27/2013 at 11:55pm<b>FMLJFL</b> - the 02/24/2013 at 9:08am<b>karlcolt45</b> - the 02/13/2013 at 4:47am<b>qwillis98</b> - the 02/06/2013 at 9:40pm<b>hayhay2301</b> - the 02/01/2013 at 10:16pm<b>rkmn8r</b> - the 02/01/2013 at 6:13pm<b>Love_sosa</b> - the 01/05/2013 at 9:31pm<b>aileen15</b> - the 01/02/2013 at 11:15pm<b>BunchieRules</b> - the 12/27/2012 at 11:10pm

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fbhorn's favorite FMLs

Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML

#20083358
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20397) - you deserved it (3007)

On 09/22/2012 at 10:12am - animals - by Grauncho - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend called out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmed. He won't tell me why. FML

#20072555
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24913) - you deserved it (2553)

On 09/15/2012 at 3:36am - intimacy - by not the scalpel (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

#20068526
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44632) - you deserved it (3892)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was in a terrific mood after finding a bouquet of beautiful flowers on my doorstep when I came home. That is, until I recognised the handwriting of my "secret admirer" was the same as my mother's. FML

#20055321
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22069) - you deserved it (1807)

On 09/03/2012 at 4:39am - love - by mfnfhdjdjddjsjfn - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out my friend swapped my girlfriend and probation officer's numbers in my phone. My girlfriend is wondering why I asked her permission to leave the country, and my probation officer said she can't wait to see me again. FML

#20054113
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23336) - you deserved it (3730)

On 09/02/2012 at 1:34pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my clumsiness has reached such legendary proportions in my family, that when I visited my grandparents, I found they'd put stickers all over their glass doors, so I wouldn't have "yet another painful accident". FML

#20052788
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16674) - you deserved it (4263)

On 09/01/2012 at 4:50pm - misc - by fuck yuo (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland)

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

#20052579
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33731) - you deserved it (10483)

On 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by thewhompingwillow (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML

#20051346
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20583) - you deserved it (4179)

On 08/31/2012 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing some CoD online, when I realised I'd started humming an annoyingly catchy Bieber tune. Before I could come to my senses and pull out my mic, a bunch of my teammates started sarcastically singing along. FML

#20051062
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6652) - you deserved it (24533)

On 08/31/2012 at 3:20pm - misc - by bieberyoulittleSHIT (man) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I had to force myself to take a dump at school, even though I have severe restroom anxiety and shyness. I had finally relaxed enough to go when the tornado drills went off mid-dump, and 46 students and teachers packed into the bathroom with me. FML

#20048959
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33013) - you deserved it (2232)

On 08/30/2012 at 1:55am - misc - by DamnTornadoAlley - United States (Texas)

Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML

#20048187
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28938) - you deserved it (6888)

On 08/29/2012 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water displacement?" I excitedly drove over, thinking he wanted to have some fun. No, he really did want to teach me about water displacement. FML

#20047830
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31257) - you deserved it (6107)

On 08/29/2012 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML

#20045566
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29811) - you deserved it (5714)

On 08/28/2012 at 12:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I fainted during my sister's wedding because my dress was too tight. When I woke up, she slapped me hard across the face. Why? Because I "took all the attention away" from her. FML

#20041726
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25256) - you deserved it (6992)

On 08/25/2012 at 9:58pm - health - by brylynn - United States

Today, my dog was diagnosed with depression. I got him to help with my depression. I guess we can just be miserable together. FML

#20039193
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27441) - you deserved it (2529)

On 08/24/2012 at 11:45am - animals - by alix - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)



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