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fbhorn's favorite FMLs
by not the scalpel / 09/15/2012 at 3:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 3:00am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in a terrific mood after finding a bouquet of beautiful flowers on my doorstep when I came home. That is, until I recognised the handwriting of my "secret admirer" was the same as my mother's. FML
by mfnfhdjdjddjsjfn / 09/03/2012 at 4:39am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, I found out my friend swapped my girlfriend and probation officer's numbers in my phone. My girlfriend is wondering why I asked her permission to leave the country, and my probation officer said she can't wait to see me again. FML
by Anonymous / 09/02/2012 at 1:34pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, my clumsiness has reached such legendary proportions in my family, that when I visited my grandparents, I found they'd put stickers all over their glass doors, so I wouldn't have "yet another painful accident". FML
by fuck yuo / 09/01/2012 at 4:50pm / Canada (Newfoundland) / Miscellaneous
by thewhompingwillow / 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML
by Anonymous / 08/31/2012 at 7:16pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I was playing some CoD online, when I realised I'd started humming an annoyingly catchy Bieber tune. Before I could come to my senses and pull out my mic, a bunch of my teammates started sarcastically singing along. FML
by bieberyoulittleSHIT / 08/31/2012 at 3:20pm / United Kingdom (York) / Geek
Today, I had to force myself to take a dump at school, even though I have severe restroom anxiety and shyness. I had finally relaxed enough to go when the tornado drills went off mid-dump, and 46 students and teachers packed into the bathroom with me. FML
by DamnTornadoAlley / 08/30/2012 at 1:55am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML
by Anonymous / 08/29/2012 at 5:37pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water displacement?" I excitedly drove over, thinking he wanted to have some fun. No, he really did want to teach me about water displacement. FML
by Anonymous / 08/29/2012 at 12:38pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/28/2012 at 12:29am / Canada (Quebec) / Kids
by brylynn / 08/25/2012 at 9:58pm / United States / Health
by alix / 08/24/2012 at 11:45am / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Animals
by jenA / 08/21/2012 at 9:04am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
- Today, while in our communal showers in the highschool football locker room, I started to swing my… Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they… Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was…
- Today, I was at the Five Guys in Cardiff, and I decided to treat myself by getting five portions of… Today, at the beginning of my shift, my resident thought it would be funny to soak my shoes, which… Today, I got into trouble from my mum for not apologising to my grandpa after he was rude to me. He…