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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask a cute guy for his number. Once he had given me his, he asked for mine. My initial happiness was deflated when he said "Ok, now I can just block every message from you." And walked away from me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36234) - you deserved it (3040)
On 09/18/2009 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43899) - you deserved it (2272)
On 09/11/2009 at 2:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I fell asleep in my last period class. When I woke up my teacher said "you missed your bus". I grabbed all my stuff and ran out the room. My class mates were standing outside the class laughing. We still had an hour left in class. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7090) - you deserved it (47851)
On 09/09/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by Victor (man) - United States
Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each others company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14174) - you deserved it (3058)
On 09/08/2009 at 9:26pm - intimacy - by awkwardbf (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I received a text from my girlfriend to break up with me. I was upset. One minute later another text from her said "sorry, wrong person." FML
I agree, your life sucks (55418) - you deserved it (2806)
On 08/18/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous - Kazakhstan (Almaty)
Today, I was talking to my only grandson about how I was going to the dentist to get my teeth fixed and how it was going to cost a lot of money, he replied saying "Who cares, you're going to die soon anyways". FML
I agree, your life sucks (54641) - you deserved it (3027)
On 06/21/2009 at 5:46pm - health - by oldtimerclark - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24626) - you deserved it (48834)
On 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm - health - by dearme (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I decided to run outside. I noticed a really hot guy mowing his lawn. I ran a couple of laps past him. After a while, when I slowed down, I smiled at him, and he replied You look really hot." I thanked him, and he quickly replied, "No, I mean you're sweating a lot." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13141) - you deserved it (35949)
On 04/30/2009 at 8:52pm - love - by Eli123 (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I went for a jog. I had stopped at an intersection to let a car go by. The car stopped and the driver waved me on, so I started jogging again. After a few steps, I feel a sharp pain in my side, then wake up in the hospital. The driver 'accidentally' hit the gas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (99072) - you deserved it (3927)
On 04/15/2009 at 10:10am - misc - by I_Hate_Cars - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said was that good. She was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59481) - you deserved it (15536)
On 04/11/2009 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, when my boyfriend reffered to my hair, I told him I was going to dye it. He responded by saying, "finally, so how much you going for, 40, maybe 50 pounds?". I said dye it, not diet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52263) - you deserved it (7769)
On 04/05/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by lifestinks - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I wrote my boyfriend a sexy letter designed to arouse him. I described what I wanted us to do to each other in the most erotic way. Later, he came up to me and hugged me, saying it was the funniest thing he ever read and he's glad he's in love with a girl with such a great sense of humor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55326) - you deserved it (9162)
On 03/22/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by Laceylace (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I decided to ask my friend to the school dance. It's one where the girls ask the guys. I spent hours placing signs down his street so he would see them on his way home. As I'm waiting in his driveway with balloons I see his car reverse and go the other direction. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73544) - you deserved it (14071)
On 03/17/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by SmileEveryday (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18186) - you deserved it (34166)
On 02/27/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by bojangles (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (43426) - you deserved it (4286)
On 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by dpl (man) - United States (New York)
Monday 17 June 2013
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