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fantita495's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/02/2013 at 4:23pm / Ireland / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been sleeping around. After telling my best friend, I also found out that he and a few others have known for the past month. He asked, shocked, "Dude, I thought you knew?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/25/2013 at 7:55pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 10/16/2013 at 1:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by lovehurts / 10/14/2013 at 12:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML
by Anonymous / 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML
by IronSkye / 08/29/2013 at 6:55am / Romania (Bucuresti) / Kids
Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML
by Anonymous / 08/28/2013 at 12:11pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was at a job interview for a position I really needed. Somehow, the interviewer and I started talking about fishing. I joked, "I'm a master baiter." Needless to say, I didn't get the job. FML
by master baiter / 08/12/2013 at 1:11pm / United States (New York) / Work
Today, after giving me my very first orgasm, my boyfriend sat me down and had a serious chat with me about my orgasm face. Apparently it reminded him of the scene in the Exorcist with the possessed girl, and it really freaked him out. FML
by right / 08/02/2013 at 10:08am / United Kingdom (Dorset) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/10/2013 at 12:38pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
by Samprib / 06/01/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, my friends and I were talking about the creepy stranger that used to stalk me back in high school. I guess his looks changed a lot through the years because I found out that he's my current boyfriend of 4 months. FML
by datgirl92 / 05/24/2013 at 10:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Snurkles McGee / 05/22/2013 at 5:48pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work
Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML
by Anonymous / 05/03/2013 at 9:14pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous
by naps aren't what they used to be / 04/27/2013 at 6:05pm / United States / Work
- Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you… Today, I was travelling in a car. As I was discreetly picking my nose, we drove over a speed bump.… Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to…