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fallonstone

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fallonstone
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  • Number of visits : 123
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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fallonstone's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

#20929956
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43541) - you deserved it (4600)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:12am - animals - by IamAflyingCat - United States

Today, I learned where my mom's "special hiding spot" that I'll "never find" for the Halloween chocolate is, when I preheated the oven to make cookies. FML

#20928856
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39141) - you deserved it (3956)

On 10/21/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my best friend told me that she no longer wants to cut herself because now she's madly in love with a guy in our school. She doesn't know that he's gay. FML

#20893179
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47937) - you deserved it (3134)

On 09/23/2013 at 4:49pm - love - by friend loves a gay guy... - United States (Ohio)

Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML

#20892490
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49118) - you deserved it (7053)

On 09/23/2013 at 12:44am - kids - by baddad (man) - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my husband and our 6-year-old son. My husband kept stealing popcorn from the guy next to him, to the point where the guy punched him in the face. The movie was stopped, the police were called, and my son is now inconsolable. FML

#20881087
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42622) - you deserved it (4550)

On 09/14/2013 at 3:32pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML

#20879453
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36733) - you deserved it (6055)

On 09/13/2013 at 9:24am - misc - by NoorFML (woman) - United States

Today, one of my employees called in after his 8-hour shift, explaining that he had bed bugs at home, found one on his shirt, and thinks they are in the store. I own a mattress shop. They'd spread. FML

#20877588
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43316) - you deserved it (2239)

On 09/11/2013 at 9:12pm - work - by icanteven - United States (Kentucky)

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

#20877041
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54516) - you deserved it (8925)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I noticed that my car's passenger-side door has cobwebs all over it. FML

#20876882
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38647) - you deserved it (5841)

On 09/11/2013 at 10:16am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out my kids only remember my birthday because it's the password on the iPad. FML

#20871062
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38598) - you deserved it (4548)

On 09/07/2013 at 4:22am - kids - by Sean - United States (California)

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

#20870528
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48715) - you deserved it (17337)

On 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

Today, I was waiting in line with my boyfriend behind me. I decided to hold his hand and rub his chest while we waited. Then I heard a female voice behind me that said, "Ma'am, please don't touch me." FML

#20852134
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38104) - you deserved it (13673)

On 08/24/2013 at 11:18am - misc - by cpmolly (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was at the library. I had to use the restroom, where I ended up singing in bad, made-up Japanese the whole time. When I went back across the library, my brother informed me that everyone could clearly hear me. FML

Today, it's my last day before I get my colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilarious to drag me out to one of the best restaurants in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their delicious meals. FML

#20849387
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40119) - you deserved it (2563)

On 08/22/2013 at 1:56pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Philippines (Cavite)



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