falcon_paunch

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falcon_paunch

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 16810
  • Number of comments : 29
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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falcon_paunch's page activity

Visits<b>youdumbstick</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 6:07am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/03/2015 at 9:42am<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 1:22am<b>shiritt</b> - the 03/08/2010 at 1:06pm<b>Asdas</b> - the 06/22/2009 at 9:25am<b>lendmeyourteeth</b> - the 06/22/2009 at 12:34am<b>depinaariana</b> - the 06/13/2009 at 7:57pm<b>nokiac_b</b> - the 05/29/2009 at 12:39am<b>username666</b> - the 05/25/2009 at 11:23am<b>5PoPpIn6DrOpPiN</b> - the 05/24/2009 at 9:59pm<b>mcsnelly</b> - the 05/24/2009 at 8:42pm<b>pnkpanther</b> - the 05/24/2009 at 3:48pm<b>ipwns</b> - the 05/22/2009 at 11:18pm<b>ShadowDragon</b> - the 05/22/2009 at 11:15pm<b>PsycoJester</b> - the 05/22/2009 at 10:05pm

falcon_paunch's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

falcon_paunch's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2009 at 1:14pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML

by unbelievable208 / 08/05/2009 at 1:28am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I caught my little brother peeping at my friend getting dressed in the bathroom. When I asked him what he was doing he said "I'm just doing what Ray does to you while you're in the bathroom." Ray is my new step dad. FML

by Nicole / 07/07/2009 at 8:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2009 at 3:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I put on my "fat jeans" because none of my other jeans fit. Neither do my fat jeans. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2009 at 1:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was working a customer notified me that the men's restroom need some attention. Thinking that there was just a small mess, I walked into the restroom only to discover someone had taken a crap in the sink. Guess who got to clean it. FML

by KP / 06/25/2009 at 12:22pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color, when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchish popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML

by spiderinmylips / 06/24/2009 at 4:19pm / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend and I were exchanging some naughty pictures. I accidentally sent one to everybody on my contacts, including my ex, my boss, and even Pizza Hut. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2009 at 3:08pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML

by OompaLoompa / 06/18/2009 at 9:32am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I went for a really important job interview. She loved my portfolio and we got along really well. But I guess that a corner of my skirt got caught underneath my shoe when I stood up to shake her hand, exposing my teeny-tiny underwear and neglected bikini line. She didn't shake my hand back. FML

by ChrissiOfTheHill / 06/18/2009 at 5:01am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML

by Broken / 06/17/2009 at 10:12am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my mom had one too many and announced to all of my friends that, if she had the opportunity, she would bang Gwen Stefani. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2009 at 12:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's parents' house for dinner, and I thought no one was looking, I picked my nose and put it underneath my chair. Turns out she has a little brother who found it appropriate to point at me and scream, "Booger monster, Booger monster!" FML

by buggermonster / 06/16/2009 at 7:37pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML

by Tim / 06/16/2009 at 2:15am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was using a public bathroom when a woman backs in, pulls down her pants, and sits on my lap. Needless to say she didn't even notice I was there until I hyperventilated. FML

by yourmom / 06/16/2009 at 12:06am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous