Hello (:
Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5288) - you totally deserved it (53445)
On 06/19/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by kat9232000 - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my mom had one too many and announced to all of my friends that, if she had the opportunity, she would bang Gwen Stefani. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38748) - you totally deserved it (2478)
On 06/17/2009 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door "Are you jacking off in there or something?!" and him scream back at her "Shut up you F*ing cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63380) - you totally deserved it (37068)
On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60214) - you totally deserved it (2824)
On 06/09/2009 at 4:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, a guy from my school came into my work. I knew him but forgot his name. I didn't want to be rude and ask for his name when he probably expected me to know it. So, thinking I was clever, I said "How do you spell your name again?". His name was Rob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8275) - you totally deserved it (32907)
On 06/09/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by purrtygirl (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39914) - you totally deserved it (40450)
On 06/09/2009 at 1:27am - intimacy - by lagirl (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58140) - you totally deserved it (11604)
On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I wasn't expecting anything too romantic, but I would have liked something more than an email from facebook requesting my confirmation that we were engaged. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59908) - you totally deserved it (2946)
On 06/08/2009 at 6:41am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Singapore
Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32926) - you totally deserved it (7505)
On 06/06/2009 at 10:03am - misc - by imfromtexas02 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was on a roller coaster and this 13 year old sitting next to me was completely terrified. To cheer him up, I threw my hands in the air. While my hands were up, we hit a curve and I elbowed him in the face, making him cry. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31792) - you totally deserved it (8293)
On 06/03/2009 at 11:16am - kids - by rollerSWEETness (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I saw the following message on my Facebook News Feed: "Morning Sex: [My mom] and [My dad] are fans. Click here to Join" FML
I agree, your life sucks (60058) - you totally deserved it (3286)
On 06/01/2009 at 12:44pm - intimacy - by crazystuff23 (man) - United States (California)
Today, three women came into my work and one was wearing a shirt with a rainbow that said, "We are everywhere". I had just gotten what it was referring to and when I greeted them I ended up saying "Hi gays!" instead of the standard "Hi guys". FML
I agree, your life sucks (12290) - you totally deserved it (31079)
On 06/01/2009 at 6:46am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I thought I would make my first trip to the beach. While in the water, I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45348) - you totally deserved it (5791)
On 05/31/2009 at 1:38pm - misc - by Heather (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19945) - you totally deserved it (25118)
On 05/14/2009 at 8:03pm - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United States (Michigan)
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