exile529

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exile529

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 12176
  • Number of comments : 74
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About exile529 : I'm a vegetarian and a geek.

exile529's page activity

Visits<b>RJ1998</b> - the 06/02/2013 at 6:34am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:51pm<b></b> - the 10/23/2010 at 10:38pm<b>ha</b> - the 03/09/2010 at 5:10pm<b>iloveyouu1</b> - the 07/30/2009 at 4:51pm<b>gelt</b> - the 06/19/2009 at 6:47pm<b>krystal_love</b> - the 06/15/2009 at 9:26pm<b>Lisimal</b> - the 06/15/2009 at 8:42pm<b>fiesty1</b> - the 06/14/2009 at 12:16pm<b>dem54</b> - the 06/10/2009 at 2:25pm<b>DarkMirror</b> - the 06/03/2009 at 4:36pm<b>heatherewf</b> - the 05/28/2009 at 8:17pm<b>lauren_is_chill</b> - the 05/23/2009 at 7:45pm<b>toby02050</b> - the 05/22/2009 at 1:40pm<b>cory8itall</b> - the 05/22/2009 at 2:31am<b>GemmARR</b> - the 05/21/2009 at 3:29pm<b>censorshipoff</b> - the 05/21/2009 at 1:52am<b>Taylor_TBH</b> - the 05/20/2009 at 7:04pm

exile529's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

exile529's favorite FMLs

Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my ex-girlfriend's number. She texted back, "One of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML

by 1suckatL1fe / 05/04/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me, "what would happen to me if you and daddy died?". I told her that she'd probably live with her Uncle Ant and Aunt Ilene. She looked at me and said "You guys can die. I won't cry. I get everything I want over there." FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2009 at 4:12am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML

by soooyeah / 04/30/2009 at 8:15am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house.I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML

by ohmyx3 / 04/29/2009 at 10:09pm / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, my mother sent a letter to my best friend trying to comfort her over the death of her mother. She signed the letter "LOL, Jen" thinking LOL stood for "lots of love." FML

by unlolable4321 / 04/28/2009 at 5:51pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML

by Litterbox / 04/19/2009 at 10:09pm / United States (Texas) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said was that good. She was serious. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

by creepermagnet / 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML

by vetapplez / 04/04/2009 at 4:50am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said "Well, you could always ask me." I then said "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was "Nope...now that's 8!" FML

by rejected / 03/27/2009 at 8:38pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I got a phone call from a detective in response to my stolen car that has been missing since St. Patrick's Day. He told me that he had found my car, but was chuckling the whole time. Turns out, I had parked my car in a different lot. I haven't had it for a week. It was never stolen. FML

by Blondie / 03/23/2009 at 4:37pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy