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excoredgirl

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excoredgirl

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  • Number of visits : 54
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excoredgirl's favorite FMLs

Today, I was yelled at by a customer, who was upset over having waited twenty minutes for a waiter to come take her order. Maybe it would be understandable, if she was sitting in an actual restaurant, and not a serve-yourself coffee house. FML

#20194179
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21916) - you deserved it (1251)

On 12/06/2012 at 6:50pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

#20193609
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34591) - you deserved it (3986)

On 12/06/2012 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Dontwaketheneighbors (man) - United States (California)

Today, on the bus, I caught the eye of this ugly, sweaty girl giving me a death stare through the driver's mirror. I gave her a death stare back. Only then I realized I was staring at myself. FML

#19579357
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10103) - you deserved it (31782)

On 05/05/2012 at 10:21pm - misc - by mhm (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

#19578544
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17362) - you deserved it (29719)

On 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm - animals - by doggone - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML

#19577163
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30878) - you deserved it (3942)

On 05/05/2012 at 12:28pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my boyfriend cuffed my legs to the bed. After the sex we discovered one of the cuffs wouldn't open. After an hour of trying to pry them open, I had to waddle with him to the fire station to have them removed in front of 4 amused firefighters. FML

#19576314
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21589) - you deserved it (7808)

On 05/05/2012 at 8:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I got tasered by a cop. It was his second day on the job. My crime? Sneezing during a sobriety test. FML

#19576269
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28021) - you deserved it (2084)

On 05/05/2012 at 7:44am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my turtle, who had a little portion of the garden all to herself, died. My 5-year-old nephew wanted to "be like Mario" by jumping on her. FML

#19576176
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36114) - you deserved it (2333) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/05/2012 at 6:06am - kids - by Grindyloo -

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

#19575752
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24787) - you deserved it (4290)

On 05/05/2012 at 1:42am - intimacy - by CALIdime_15 - United States

Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML

#19575645
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7780) - you deserved it (25788)

On 05/05/2012 at 1:01am - animals - by lexii - United States

Today, an exchange student was telling us how he once used a black light to detect semen stains on his "abstinent" ex-girlfriend's face. I called him out on the obvious lie, saying it's an old urban legend. He wigged out, screamed that I'm a "bastarding shite-wank" and ran out of class. FML

#19573864
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18646) - you deserved it (4690)

On 05/04/2012 at 5:53pm - intimacy - by Garry (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it was a good show of etiquette to answer a text message from his ex, while he was still inside me. FML

#19573646
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29112) - you deserved it (3012)

On 05/04/2012 at 4:57pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, the person I've been sharing my most intimate feelings with finally got bored and let me know I've been texting the wrong number for weeks. FML

#19573313
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23637) - you deserved it (4308)

On 05/04/2012 at 3:14pm - love - by john (man) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, I wrecked my car and got rushed to the emergency room. While strapped to a gurney, a nurse reached in my back pocket, grabbed my wallet and pulled the velcro keeping my wallet shut. The entire room immediately started laughing as condoms and loose change went flying everywhere. FML

#19572615
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18350) - you deserved it (3640)

On 05/04/2012 at 10:34am - misc - by UnderConstruction (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the school nurse called me in. She said she knew I was pregnant and she was worried about how it was affecting my grades. I'm not pregnant. Apparently I'm just stupid and fat. FML



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