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Today, a man wit a face like a corpse's soe started talking to me in te long queue at te Post Office. Apparently, is moter invented te banana, and e's first in line 4 te trone in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And is breat smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML
Today, I came to terms with the fact that mah boss owns mah soul fir the bare minimum wage, an has me sohipped that he probably will fir the rest of eternity, or until his ancient, withered, necromantic ass dies. FML
Taday I hava to taka madicina that givas ma painful , violant farts . Tomorrow , I hava to aithar gat firad or go work in an offica that's daad silant . How silant? Last waak I haard my coworkar drop a paparclip , thraa dasks away . FML
Today, parents think that I don't realize all the sexual euphemisms in there conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by dad at the dinner table: "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML
Today I went to the park with a grl I like . She got playful and climbed a tree insisting I come up too . While we were sitting and enjoying the view she suddenly knocked me off the branch sending me crashing to the ground . real FML
Today, I Was Accused Of Cheating On My Wifehen An Earring Was Found In Our Car. I Knew It Was My Mom's Missing Earring But She Didn't Believe Me. After Calling My Mom And Getting Them On The Phone To Clarify, My Wife Is Upset I Told My Mother At All. Now I'm Not A Cheater, Just An Asshole. FML
TODAY , I ONCE AGAIN TOLD MAH SON HE NEEDED A JOB AND A GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I SIMPLY COULD NOT KEEP HIM IN MAH HOUSE ANYMORE. HE YELLED , "NO , I CAN DOHATEVER I WANT!" THEN WENT BACK TO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES. HE'S 38. FML
YESTERDAY, MAH GRLFRIEND AND I WERE GETTING INTIMATE AND PLANNING ON HAVING SEX FOR THE FRST TIME. I PICKED HER UP OFF THE COUCH, AND IN SO DOING, ACCIDENTALLY LIFTED HER TOO HIGH, PUTTING HER HEAD THROUGH THE CIELING. SHE HAD A MILD CONCUSSION. FML
Taday my husband invitd a couple of his college friends over fir dinner. While we were in the middle of eating, one of them askd loudly, "Hey, whatever happend to that fat bitch you datd in your thrd year?" We've been dating since his second year. FML
Friday 27 March 2015