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evilegit

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evilegit
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  • Number of visits : 313
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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evilegit's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13819) - you deserved it (37122)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I discovered that when a cyclist tears down the street, slaps you across the face as he passes, looks back laughing and flips you off, then crashes into a lamppost, he'll still blame you and threaten to sue, even after you rush over to check his injuries. FML

#20014116
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28003) - you deserved it (1928)

On 08/10/2012 at 8:45pm - health - by dumbasdogshit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, the coworker I've had a crush on for the past few months asked me if I was busy Friday night. I was so excited, I immediately replied, "I thought you'd never ask!" He gave me a funny look and said, "Good, because I need you to take my shift." FML

#19999670
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17981) - you deserved it (4435)

On 08/03/2012 at 1:24am - love - by DeeGirlMon (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

#19986519
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20515) - you deserved it (1552)

On 07/27/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had a few friends over. Wanting to seem cool, I yelled at my girlfriend to get me a beer. She chucked four bottles at my head. All my friends cheered her on. FML

#19957248
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4611) - you deserved it (52903)

On 07/19/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35084) - you deserved it (3816)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

#19776975
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38458) - you deserved it (3667)

On 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm - misc - by creeped out - United States (New York)

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML

#19772012
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19459) - you deserved it (2455)

On 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm - love - by amidreaming?? (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, on Facebook, my sister posted a ton of photos of herself wearing a skimpy bikini, commenting that she looked hideous and fat. I can't stand attention-seeking fuckballs, so I called her on it. My mother then condemned me for "mocking" my sister, and grounded me for an entire month. FML

#19689652
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27437) - you deserved it (4806)

On 05/27/2012 at 5:53pm - misc - by namenlos (man) - Australia

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she was scared that she was more in love with me than I in her, and that she was afraid I would leave her. So she left me instead. I'd been thinking about proposing. FML

#19630328
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26093) - you deserved it (1685)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:10am - love - by RingAroundThe..SPLAT (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a basketball game. A very pretty woman sat next to him. During the third quarter, the kiss cam came on. But it didn't show him and me, it showed him and the other girl. And they kissed. FML

#19426684
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42697) - you deserved it (2952)

On 04/07/2012 at 11:19pm - love - by jordyn173 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I realized my Internet addiction had gone too far when I tried to Google what was in my freezer. FML

#19413204
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5401) - you deserved it (22274)

On 04/05/2012 at 5:53pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML

#19361987
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4636) - you deserved it (24091)

On 03/28/2012 at 2:57am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, a telemarketer called me and asked if they could speak to my "mommy or daddy". I am 25 years old. FML

#19283246
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20904) - you deserved it (2272)

On 03/15/2012 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

#19259305
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7080) - you deserved it (23185)

On 03/11/2012 at 7:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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