evilegit

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Offline (the 01/14/2015 at 4:08pm)

evilegit

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Saturday 2 August 1997 (18 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2222
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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evilegit's page activity

Visits<b>RipeFlame</b> - the 12/18/2014 at 1:55pm<b>xx_ginny</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 6:01am<b>joarasmi</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 11:15pm<b>kandee_bc</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 10:41pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 3:06pm

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evilegit's favorite FMLs

Today, while on a crowded public bus, a cute girl asked if she could sit next to me. Problem is, I didn't hear correctly and thought she asked if anyone was sitting next to me. I answered no, causing her to walk off angrily and earning me several disgusted stares from other passengers. FML

by Anonymous / 03/04/2013 at 9:23am / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Transportation

Today, I sent my girlfriend a text saying, "Your the best girlfriend any man could have, and I think I may be in love with you." Ten minutes later, she responded with, "*you're". FML

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

by JimmyT / 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Work

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

by Anonymous / 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML

by Anonymous / 02/11/2013 at 10:26am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I was talking to the girl I really like, and she was telling me how crappy her day was. Trying to be nice, I gave her a back rub. I somehow managed to unhook her bra. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 12:13am / United States / Love

Today, I had an in-depth conversation at work about how technically Luke Skywalker was never a Jedi Master. Highlight of my working day. FML

by djxerxes9000 / 02/07/2013 at 9:56pm / Canada / Work

Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML

by Anonymous / 02/06/2013 at 6:12am / United States / Kids

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML

by NewlyDread / 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, while I was having sex, he stopped, looked at me all seriously and said, "Permission to climax, ma'am?" FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2013 at 2:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, as every day for the past few weeks, my husband won't have sex. His reason? We've decided to have a baby, and he reckons that the longer he waits, the more competition there will be between his sperm and thus the better the result will be. FML

by Bouh / 12/26/2012 at 11:04pm / Love

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 1:02pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 8:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy