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evilegit's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 04/19/2013 at 9:16pm / New Zealand / Transportation
by OPhere / 04/15/2013 at 3:37am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Ribbed for Her Disaster / 04/04/2013 at 12:04pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy
by SayCheese / 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to my husband taking a piss on our bedroom floor. I screamed that he wasn't in the bathroom, to which he responded, "Shut up! I'm taking a piss, let me finish!" He has no recollection of the event. Now I have to clean up his piss and rewash my clothes. FML
by MilleeMacabre / 04/02/2013 at 2:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML
by Anonymous / 03/26/2013 at 8:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, I was at my job, waiting tables. A fellow server and myself were given a party of 14 Bible thumpers. They left us $9.00 and a mini Bible after awesome service, telling us we did a great job. Unfortunately, Religion doesn't pay my car payment. FML
by PrayingForMoney / 03/25/2013 at 4:48am / United States (California) / Money
Today, my husband showed up late to my mother's funeral. He swaggered in, happily finishing off a half-eaten taco. His excuse for why he was so cheerful: "She was an in-law, honey." Good to know I married a piece of shit in disguise. FML
by Anonymous / 03/23/2013 at 1:30pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
by Anonymous / 03/23/2013 at 11:21am / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy
by seamonkeys / 03/21/2013 at 5:42am / United States / Kids
Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me that my white face paint was a mess, my contacts looked cheap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML
by Anonymous / 03/19/2013 at 10:16pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/16/2013 at 10:58am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2013 at 10:15pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML
- Today, I went bikini shopping after much convincing, not because I'm fat, but because my boobs are… Today, I got into trouble from my mum for not apologising to my grandpa after he was rude to me. He… Today, I've finally begun to realize that my boyfriend calls his cat more relationship pet-names in…