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evilegit

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evilegit
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  • Number of visits : 315
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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evilegit's favorite FMLs

Today, my drug addict of a roommate convinced herself my red kitten was Pennywise the clown in disguise waiting to kill her, and hit him over the head with a pan. FML

Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

#21067130
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47016) - you deserved it (3523)

On 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm - misc - by BakedBat (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML

#21058081
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43891) - you deserved it (3516)

On 02/12/2014 at 12:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

#21055217
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37305) - you deserved it (6956)

On 02/09/2014 at 9:36am - misc - by took it - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

#21016902
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41917) - you deserved it (4557)

On 01/04/2014 at 6:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

#21008605
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43065) - you deserved it (3051)

On 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonomous - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML

#20779978
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61772) - you deserved it (3543)

On 07/13/2013 at 1:33pm - love - by fuckingtrollingskankwhoreshitwankcuntfuck (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

#20763013
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53106) - you deserved it (9597)

On 07/04/2013 at 3:03am - intimacy - by Never Going Back To The Doctor (woman) - United States

Today, I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, "I already knew that babe." FML

#20745866
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45340) - you deserved it (7863)

On 06/25/2013 at 2:12am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

#20735044
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49716) - you deserved it (3064)

On 06/19/2013 at 11:29am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML

#20731352
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66695) - you deserved it (3792)

On 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by hinting (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

#20705129
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28077) - you deserved it (60762)

On 06/04/2013 at 8:15am - misc - by tinypenis - United States (New York)

Today, I was taking a bus ride home, listening to some music. The music stopped and I assumed my iPod's battery had run out. Turns out someone managed to steal it, leaving my earphones in. I didn't feel a thing. FML

#20688903
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45985) - you deserved it (9858)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:16am - misc - by stupid (woman) - Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis)

Today, my friends and I were talking about the creepy stranger that used to stalk me back in high school. I guess his looks changed a lot through the years because I found out that he's my current boyfriend of 4 months. FML

#20683515
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51666) - you deserved it (15674)

On 05/24/2013 at 10:00am - love - by datgirl92 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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