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evilegit's favorite FMLs
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 11/22/2014 at 8:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by wtfdad / 11/16/2014 at 12:29am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, my taxi driver kept falling asleep and swerving off the road, so I asked him if he was okay. He stopped and burst out sobbing about the long hours he had to do after his divorce and his wife taking all he had. Long story short, I ended up driving him home and getting a taxi from his place. FML
by rockytrolley / 10/08/2014 at 5:01am / Cyprus / Transportation
by notatherapist / 10/01/2014 at 7:08pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/26/2014 at 11:30pm / New Zealand / Intimacy
Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML
by Pandamomma / 07/21/2014 at 8:58am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
by murrrrf / 07/21/2014 at 1:30am / United States (Missouri) / Animals
by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 7:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by failed dad / 06/25/2014 at 8:30am / Greece (Attiki) / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/26/2014 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I nervously flirted with a very cute guy. Being a little overweight, I rarely think cute guys will go for me. This line of thinking was yet again correct when he casually pulled his sleeve up revealing a tattoo of a pinup girl with a "NO FAT CHICKS" sign below it. FML
by nofatchicks / 05/12/2014 at 7:49pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I was driving my grandpa to the store because his car is in the shop. I was well within the speed limit, but he kept yelling at me for "speeding", then accused me of trying to give him a heart attack, and eventually pulled the e-brake, getting us rear-ended. He refuses to apologise. FML
by kezbabes / 05/03/2014 at 2:15pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Work
by Blaisey / 04/21/2014 at 1:25pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals
Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML
by BakedBat / 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…