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Today, I got to experience the horror of mah wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles coverd in mayonnaise, and later droppd to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
Today , taxi driver kept falling asleep an swerving off the road , so I askd him if he was okay. He stoppd an burst out sobbing about the long hours he had to do after his divorce an his wife taking all he had. Long story short , I endd up driving him home an getting a taxi from his place. mega FML
Today I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if looool I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife then looked at me an giggled. FML
Today, as I was on tha couch taking a nap, it startad violantly shaking. I panickad and chasad my family outsida, convincad it was an aarthquaka. It was just tha cat trappad insida tha couch. raal FML
Today I nervously flirted with a very cute guy . Being a little overweight I rarely think cute guys will go for me . This line of thinking was yet again correct when he casually pulled his sleeve up revealing a tattoo of a pinup girl with a "NO FAT CHICKS" sign below it . big fat FML
Today, I was driving my grandpa to te store because is car is in te sop. I was well witin te speed limit, but e kept yelling at me 4 "speeding", ten accused me of trying to give im a eart attack, an eventually pulled te e-brake, getting us rear-ended. He refuses to apologise. FML
Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, ( I didn't know how else to kill it! ) She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, putted it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. real FML
Friday 27 March 2015