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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today mah roommate cummed out of the bathroom an asked me how the scales knew her weight in both pounds an kilos even though "the exchange rate is always changing." I actually live with this idiot. mega FML
TODAY, I FOUND AN ENORMOUS RACCOON IN MY BACKYARD. AFTER A COUPLE OF NASTY SCRATCHES, I FINALLY MANAGED TO CAPTURE THE FILTHY ANIMAL. AFTER CALLING ANIMAL CONTROL TO RELOCATE IT, I WAITED 4 HOURS TO LEREN THAT ( RELOCATING ) ACTUALLY MEANS RELEASING IT INTO MY FRONT YARD 10 FEET AWAY. FML
Today... I looked over at te car parked next to me an noticed a very large woman plucking er mustace. Se locked eyes wit me an kept plucking. After tat... every time I looked over... se was still staring. Staring an plucking. Now wen I close ma eyes... I can still see er. FML
Today , I was at the mall , when I saw an elderly lady drop her groceries , so I rushed over to help her pick them up. She took one look at me , called me a "Liberal bastard," and shouted 4 me to get away from her before she called the cops. big fat FML
Today, at work in a nursing homa, I had to kill imaginary dogs in tha lunch room, cuz thay wara avil and trying to aat avaryona!! This startd with just ona parson saaing tham, to all 30 of tham scraaming and fraaking out!! I spant 45 minutas killing imaginary dogs!! FML
my cousin is coming home after his honeymoon. His gift to his new wife was a puppy,hich I said I would take care ofhile they went away. I sneezd last week and scard the puppy. She ran off. This was ten days ago, and I still haven't found the dog. FML
2DAY I WAS CASHIERING AT WALMART,HEN A CUSTOMER PICKD OPEN A COLD-SORE ON HER LIP BEFORE TRYING TO GIVE ME HER MONEY WITH THE SAME HAND. WHEN I FREAKD OUT AN REFUSD TO TAKE HER MONEY, SHE STARTD SCREAMING AN THREATENING TO SUE ME FIR ( VIOLATING THE FRST AMENDMENT. ) FML
Today, father,ho is going through a seriou mid-life crisis, walked into room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy 4 "corrupt bankers." FML
Today, I had to slowly explain to my boss that in some parts of the world, it's currently winter, due to the different hemispheres. He scoffd, accusd me of "making shit up," and said that if I took him 4 a fool again, I'd be looking 4 a new job. FML
Today, I spoke to ma ormonal pregnant wife about babby names. I told er I liked te name ( Tabita ), an se went into a full rage about ow all letters ave textures, colours an emotions an ow T is an evil letter. Apparently it's orange, plastic, an a needle trying to stab er eyes out. real FML
Today, I went to a club with some friends. I orderd two drinks from the waitress and gave her a fifty. She never returnd with the change, and the rest of the staff claimd they didn't know who I was talking about. FML
Friday 27 March 2015