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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, an extremely attractive woman from FedEx came to deliver my new phone. I was wearing athletic shorts and had an erection. She looked down and laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31292) - you deserved it (2017)
On 08/20/2009 at 11:55am - intimacy - by littleguy (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40096) - you deserved it (123022)
On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40096) - you deserved it (123022)
On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (46107) - you deserved it (2299)
On 07/30/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Herdad (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, at lifeguard class, I played a victim while my peers strapped me to the backboard in the water. When I was strapped down, I got wood in a wet swimsuit. My hands were strapped down so I could do nothing to hide it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54026) - you deserved it (8371)
On 06/27/2009 at 9:47am - intimacy - by Victim (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53371) - you deserved it (2613)
On 06/01/2009 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by biker2012 (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I was performing CPR on a woman on her floor while her internal defibrillator kept firing, making her whole body jump. When it fired, her hand went straight up into my nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43246) - you deserved it (2675)
On 05/25/2009 at 11:14am - work - by EMT_Koulianos (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24545) - you deserved it (106469)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (276353) - you deserved it (23305)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (199424) - you deserved it (58851)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73130) - you deserved it (24452)
On 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (189151) - you deserved it (21115)
On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I fell asleep in history class. I was dreaming about my history teacher. When I woke up everyone stared at me rather weirdly and the teacher wasn't there. Turns out I was moaning my history teachers name through my sleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (103705) - you deserved it (28195)
On 03/16/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by asleepinclass (woman) - Poland (Warszawa)
Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML
I agree, your life sucks (171929) - you deserved it (24849)
On 03/15/2009 at 9:14pm - money - by twit (man) - United States (Maryland)
Monday 20 May 2013
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