I don't know why I chose the name Englishmuffin because it might give the impression that I'm English. Sadly, I am not.
Today, my boyfriend of five years sent me a letter for my birthday. He'd forgotten to put a stamp on it so I had to pay to get it. There was a letter telling me he'd found someone else. I payed for my own break-up letter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34433) - you totally deserved it (1852)
On 07/16/2009 at 12:47pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, my parents are freaking at me because I just got my report and I failed my first year of college. They told me they have never been more disappointed in me. I have to tell them that I'm also pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13225) - you totally deserved it (54221)
On 07/16/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by failure - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)
Today, while I was working as a waitress, I had to wait on a table of 13 people. I was struggling through it and when they finally left I went by the table to pick up my tip. Instead of a money I got a napkin saying "Here's your tip, don't be a waitress." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39749) - you totally deserved it (3720)
On 07/13/2009 at 10:04pm - work - by Nick (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5137) - you totally deserved it (57477)
On 07/08/2009 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, the car in front of me was going slow and I flashed my lights and honked. I floored it and passed the car, flipping off the driver. Just as I went around the next corner I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. A few seconds later, the guy I flipped off drove by honked and waved. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3904) - you totally deserved it (57131)
On 07/08/2009 at 2:45pm - misc - by AmberKCole (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was driving with a friend when we saw a wallet in the middle of his neighborhood road. When we picked it up, we saw it was loaded with cash. We drove to the mans house to return the wallet, and when we handed it to him he told us "I would give you a reward but I don't have any cash." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31420) - you totally deserved it (2866)
On 07/03/2009 at 10:19pm - misc - by Hayls5 (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I watched my best friend get married to the guy I have been in love with since the 8th grade. I was the maid of honor, and had to give a toast to the couple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45806) - you totally deserved it (9058)
On 07/03/2009 at 9:45pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my boyfriend called me explaining that he is getting married this weekend to a woman he met on craigslist. Why? Because I won't marry him, and he'll make an extra thousand dollars per month having a wife since he is in the army. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28384) - you totally deserved it (6354)
On 07/03/2009 at 7:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I finally cracked the password on my husband's email account. I don't know what's worse finding out your husband is cheating on you with several people or discovering his password includes is ex-girlfriend's name. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41800) - you totally deserved it (14029)
On 06/28/2009 at 1:42pm - love - by resipsahipsta (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49739) - you totally deserved it (6375)
On 06/04/2009 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I started fixing my hair and unbuttoning a couple of buttons on my shirt, hoping the policeman would let me off with a warning. When he got to the car, he rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. I saw him walk back to the cop car gagging. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7279) - you totally deserved it (48638)
On 04/25/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)
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