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emvfurrow

Offline (the 10/17/2014 at 12:18am) | Search for a member

emvfurrow

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 25 February 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 242
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About emvfurrow : :)

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emvfurrow's favorite FMLs

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

#19279132
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32968) - you deserved it (5855)

On 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by PUA - United States (Georgia)

Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML

#19166851
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17167) - you deserved it (29487)

On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)

Today, it was my first time as a hockey referee, for a game played by 7-year-olds. At one point, a little boy tripped another boy. Doing my job, I gave him 2 minutes in the penalty box. After the game, I was attacked by a mob of parents. I was even given an optometrist's business card. FML

#18449960
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23573) - you deserved it (2120)

On 12/07/2011 at 12:26am - work - by gmnesbitt - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

#18312960
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34324) - you deserved it (6023)

On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a promise ring. It was so sweet and romantic, until he said, "I want to marry you one day. But I want to date some other girls first." FML

#18224310
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37856) - you deserved it (3006)

On 11/12/2011 at 12:06am - love - by so romantic - United States (Texas)

Today, for our 3rd anniversary, I gave my boyfriend a watch, courtesy of Rolex. He gave me herpes, courtesy of his other girlfriend. FML

#18014393
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50008) - you deserved it (4553)

On 10/18/2011 at 10:16am - health - by stdpositivenow (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years felt comfortable enough with me to disclose that he had previously spent 4 years in a mental institute because he tried to kill his mother. He also told me we will be together forever. I'm scared. FML

#18005142
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51716) - you deserved it (4787)

On 10/17/2011 at 6:02am - love - by bubba - China

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend, the girl I completely love, is now dating my father. She tried giving me the "I know I'm not your mother..." speech. FML

#17823429
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52776) - you deserved it (2659)

On 09/24/2011 at 7:01pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML

#17638273
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34894) - you deserved it (4403)

On 09/01/2011 at 7:40pm - misc - by mannydanny (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I was at the airport. A creepy man smiled at me, so I politely smiled back. I then realized his shirt said "Smile if you take it in the ass." He then winked at me and walked off. FML

#17315983
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39533) - you deserved it (13229)

On 07/31/2011 at 1:11am - intimacy - by creepedout - United States

Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML

#17182524
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34154) - you deserved it (7153)

On 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML

#17156963
340 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37992) - you deserved it (3354)

On 07/18/2011 at 12:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML

#17004643
391 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39769) - you deserved it (10810)

On 07/06/2011 at 7:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was in my family's hotel room taking a dump. The lock to the bathroom was broken so we had made a deal: when the door is closed, someone is using the toilet. The maid didn't know that. She punched me in the face because she claimed I scared her. FML

#16675127
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32492) - you deserved it (2869)

On 06/15/2011 at 9:37am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark (Sjelland)

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

#16248002
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11278) - you deserved it (63354)

On 05/19/2011 at 1:30am - work - by 613tanner -



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