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empy

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empy
  • Town/Country : Minneapolis, MN
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 2 April 1988 (26 years)
  • Number of visits : 4157
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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empy's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a new bar downtown with some friends. I was a little buzzed and had to pee so bad. I rushed into the bathroom and as I sat down I felt a squish on my upper thigh. Turns out the last person in the stall decided to take a shit on the toilet seat. FML

#3173139
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41522) - you deserved it (10186)

On 06/24/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by feelinnauseous (woman) - United States

Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML

#3142518
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24951) - you deserved it (75331)

On 06/23/2009 at 10:19am - work - by uneek14 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I spent an hour writing 80 thank you cards to everyone who attended my graduationg party. After carefully personalizing each one and sealing them shut, I realized I did not mark the envelopes with names. FML

#3107410
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14333) - you deserved it (39986)

On 06/22/2009 at 12:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my phone died. I plugged it in to charge and then went out to run some errands. When I returned, my phone was no where to be found, and our shovel was on the floor, muddy and wet. I then discovered my 6-year old son had buried my "dead" 200$ palmpilot because he had felt sorry for me. FML

#3030718
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40355) - you deserved it (5803)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:57pm - kids - by no_service (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was mugged on my way to the bus stop. With no money or mobile I started to panic about the exam I had and ran the 3.5 miles to get to there. When I staggered up to the building only 20mins after the exam started, the university staff wouldn't let me sit it as I couldn't prove my identity. FML

#3022587
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50732) - you deserved it (2306)

On 06/19/2009 at 4:22am - misc - by verrine - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML

#2911637
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41504) - you deserved it (6395)

On 06/15/2009 at 1:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while eating with my kids at McDonalds, my son put his hand up and wanted me to give him a "high five." I went to give him a five, but he moved his hand at the last second and I ended up slapping him in the face. Now everyone there thinks I'm a child-beater. FML

#2820410
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49893) - you deserved it (5953)

On 06/12/2009 at 12:49am - kids - by downlowtooslow (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was having a garage sale and my mother-in-law came by to see what I was selling. She decided to buy these ugly green wine glasses that were still unopened. It turns out that she gave those to my wife and I when we got married. FML

#2775360
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14105) - you deserved it (35826)

On 06/10/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said "is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" and when I answered "yes," he turned and walked out of the room. FML

#2693360
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48121) - you deserved it (5626)

On 06/07/2009 at 3:14pm - misc - by szinna - United States (Nevada)

Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML

#2612293
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28744) - you deserved it (72681)

On 06/04/2009 at 9:07pm - misc - by LadyChristina25 - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML

#2602287
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61389) - you deserved it (8829)

On 06/04/2009 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

#2459150
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21273) - you deserved it (73233)

On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)

Today, I was in Walmart. I saw a demo for Guitar Hero on the DS so I started playing. I was kicking ass and really feeling great about myself. I then looked away for a second, looked back down, and saw that the notes were still being hit. The demo had been on automatic-player the entire time. FML

#2414317
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14306) - you deserved it (47148)

On 05/29/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by theskippster - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML

#2405054
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48495) - you deserved it (8039)

On 05/29/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend of two years asked me to marry him so that we can consolidate our student loans. FML

#2376040
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48041) - you deserved it (3228)

On 05/28/2009 at 3:51pm - love - by loserface23 (woman) - United States (Kansas)



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