emopoe

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Offline (the 02/29/2016 at 5:14pm)

emopoe

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1110
  • Number of comments : 26
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 26 posted

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emopoe's page activity

Visits<b>heyitscoley</b> - the 07/23/2015 at 7:27pm<b>LordGoober</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 9:49pm<b>Hillin</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 9:27am<b>lmf5292</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 5:19am<b>squidgy787</b> - the 04/01/2014 at 10:57pm<b>1pirelli1</b> - the 03/23/2014 at 10:41pm<b>Jenmic</b> - the 02/24/2014 at 1:36pm<b>cbcorky</b> - the 01/24/2014 at 2:16am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 2:11pm<b>VampOfSavannah</b> - the 12/30/2013 at 3:21am<b>kodgod</b> - the 12/02/2013 at 2:15am<b>marko1596</b> - the 10/24/2013 at 7:45pm<b>thisguyis1ofkind</b> - the 10/19/2013 at 12:23am<b>iajm02</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 10:44pm<b>xman10199</b> - the 10/17/2013 at 6:26pm<b>Jack_Kirby22</b> - the 10/17/2013 at 6:03pm<b>Ribena195</b> - the 10/15/2013 at 5:17am<b>thomas3538</b> - the 10/14/2013 at 10:58pm

emopoe's FML badges

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

See all of emopoe's badges

emopoe's favorite FMLs

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2014 at 4:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation / 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML

by shart up, your puns suck / 06/01/2014 at 2:34pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

by great 1st impression / 05/25/2014 at 12:09pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Miscellaneous

Today, I retrieved the wrong luggage from an airport carousel. I'm now the owner of two water-bras, a false beard, a bag of cat litter, and some anal beads. I am afraid to get in touch with the original owner. FML

by BaggedDown / 05/07/2014 at 9:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, on my way to Burger King I got into a heated discussion with my wife about our cats. We have 15 rescues, and I've reached my limit. Guess what came running up to my car while waiting in the drive-through. We named him Pickles. FML

by cat whisperer / 03/20/2014 at 12:31am / United States / Animals

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2014 at 2:34am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous

Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML

by Jizzyface / 12/29/2013 at 7:36am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy

Today, my sister came out of her room sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked what was wrong, she put her fingers in my face and asked if they smelled like pickles, and if "that's normal for girls". They did. It's not. FML

by Carebeareatu / 09/14/2013 at 1:42am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I started rapping. I realized the room was not empty when, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joined in. FML

by crappingrapping / 05/21/2013 at 11:01am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML

by no sleep for me / 01/08/2013 at 2:44am / Miscellaneous

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

by BarbieKen / 06/14/2009 at 12:14am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

by helloitsbrian6969 / 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, while going for a run in my neighbourhood I was hit by a car not once, but twice. The second car, closely following the first, stopped and then drove forward to see if I was all right. FML

by OUCH / 05/19/2009 at 1:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

by madzlovesgee / 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy