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Today... mah girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax... mah mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop... and in order to distract from the situation at hand... I had to carry on the conversation with mah mom. FML
Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting an biting lip, when suddenly brother walked by door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today It Was Both Mah An Mah Stepmother's Birthday . In Preparation, Mah Dad Bought A Huge Banner With Mah Stepmother's Name On It, An A Lovely Birthday Cake . When I Told Him It Was Also Mah Birthday, He Just Grunted An Taped A Post-it Note To The Banner With Mah Name On It . Same With The Cake . FML
Today, mah husband sent an email invite to his family about our daughter's upcoming brthday. Upon reading the email, his aunt clicked "reply all"hile emailing her husband an said, "I'd rather say we're out of town than see that dumb bitch our nephew calls his wife." FML
Today, I had a stranger scream at me that I was a whore and I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She then said my full name, stating my previous hair colour, my recent activities and that her boyfriend had been my year nine dance partner. I officially have a stalker. FML
Today, it was my daugter's brtday . Se ad been wanting a cat fir a long time, so I went to te animal selter an got an orange one . As soon as se saw it, se ran upstair screaming, ( GINGER! GINGER! ) Se refuse to come downstair until I get rid of ( te soulles creature . ) FML
Today, I was making out with a guy in a washroom at a party. Things got heavy an the guy liftd me onto the sink. The sink broke off from the wall. This causd a flood in the apartment. The party was canceld. real FML
Today after months of job searching I got a job interview. I also later got a phone call from the manager informing me they burned down an all current employees will be relocated or dismissed an that my interview scheduled fir tomorrow is postponed indefinitely. FML
Friday 27 March 2015