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emmama19's favorite FMLs
by poorkids / 10/31/2012 at 1:01am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down laughing uncontrollably. FML
by radioinvader / 10/28/2012 at 8:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Monkey / 10/27/2012 at 11:02am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend went to ask my dad for my hand in marriage. All I could make out from the door was mumbling, until profanities started flying. My boyfriend shouted "well she's a SINGLE bitch now!" and stormed out of the house. My dad still refuses to tell me what happened in there. FML
by wtactualfuck :( / 10/24/2012 at 5:08pm / United States / Love
Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML
by Lunazel93 / 10/22/2012 at 12:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by not as scarred as he should be / 10/18/2012 at 2:19pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my neighbors left for their nine month excursion, and armed their security system. One of the features is a loud series of three beeps every three seconds, 24 hours a day. I can hear it, clear as a bell, throughout my entire house. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 12:38pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 8:36am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by 3023-dang / 10/15/2012 at 4:27pm / United States / Love
by katie_sadface / 10/14/2012 at 10:19pm / Canada / Money
by stop it ninja / 10/14/2012 at 3:00am / United States (Virginia) / Animals
Today, I was babysitting four kids. I turned the TV on for them, and set the youngest on my lap. She started giggling and pointing at every single pimple I have, exclaiming "Boo-boo!" This went on for half an hour. FML
by Shiverice / 10/13/2012 at 7:22am / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML
by afraidtosleep / 10/13/2012 at 2:35am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/12/2012 at 7:39pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he… Today, my wife was talking to our 9 month-old baby. “Your father really is an example.” I smiled,…