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emmama19's favorite FMLs
by Izamellayella / 11/14/2011 at 8:29pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, I and a policeman confronted my psychotic neighbor who stole my cat because she thinks flea bites cause cancer. She refused to tell us what she'd done with the cat. I just spent $100 last month in vet bills, and my kids are crying for their pet. He's probably in pieces in her freezer. FML
by Stalked / 11/14/2011 at 7:46pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
by mandie / 11/13/2011 at 12:10pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
by Anonymous / 11/13/2011 at 3:40am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by weswithaute / 11/13/2011 at 1:53am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
by unlucky / 11/13/2011 at 12:19am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was working the graveyard shift as a security guard. I fell asleep in my car doing paperwork around 2 am. When my supervisor came to check on me, he pounded on my window, wearing a "Scream" mask. I panicked and pepper sprayed him. Too bad my window was closed. FML
by copshop / 11/10/2011 at 6:40am / United States (California) / Work
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
by kdeeeceee / 11/09/2011 at 12:59am / United States / Love
Today, I was driving home from work with the window down. I felt what I thought was rain coming through the window, until I looked over and realized it was urine mist coming from the cattle truck next to me. FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2011 at 6:33pm / United States / Transportation
Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I couldn't tell her where the vitamins were in the pharmacy. The manager came and yelled at me for being lazy and incompetent. I work in the store across the street from the pharmacy. FML
by jodafish / 11/08/2011 at 12:45am / Canada (Quebec) / Work
by lprocter1982 / 11/07/2011 at 10:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by farhia97 / 11/07/2011 at 9:14pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by shamed / 11/05/2011 at 11:59am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by mcadabax / 11/05/2011 at 7:06am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML
by HOe HOe HOe / 11/01/2011 at 10:36pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
- Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to listen to this voicemail. I listened to me and my… Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We… Today, I helped a nice middle-aged lady pick out a sweater. She then opened her changing room door…