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Why am I up so early?
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emmama19's favorite FMLs
Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML
by Anonymous / 12/19/2012 at 12:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went Christmas shopping for my cat. I still haven't bought presents for my family, yet my cat already has several small gifts under the tree and an outfit to wear around the house. I really need a new hobby. FML
by catlover / 12/13/2012 at 6:04am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals
by MoreActionThanMe / 12/10/2012 at 7:04pm / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 12/09/2012 at 9:53am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil tempted her. FML
by sonofahypocriticalwhore / 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my best friend announced she was getting married. I've always wanted to be a bridesmaid but she then added, "You can't be in the bridal party because you don't have the same body type as the other bridesmaids. But you can still come to the bachelorette party!" FML
by SBCR / 12/07/2012 at 1:01am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
by lingadoo / 12/07/2012 at 12:46am / Kuwait (Al Kuwayt) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, I dropped my handbag into a water-filled gutter. As I was hurriedly fishing out the contents of my bag, I looked up. There was my ex, with the girl he left me for walking past, timed exactly to coincide with me manically scooping up one of many rapidly absorbing tampons. FML
by shamefaced / 12/06/2012 at 10:11pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Love
by SpanishInFrenchClass / 12/06/2012 at 12:35am / United States / Work
by whitecollar / 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm / United Kingdom (York) / Work
by AllegroRubato / 12/04/2012 at 3:09pm / Chile (Region Metropolitana) / Intimacy
Today, my mom hung her new "Christmas Clock" on the wall. It plays a different Christmas carol every hour, on the hour. It's only December 2nd and I'm already starting to understand why suicide rates sky rocket this time of year. FML
by Anonymous / 12/02/2012 at 11:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was separating my notes into two piles: one to save for exam studying and one to throw out. I finished separating, picked up the junk pile and absentmindedly shredded it. Afterwards, I looked down to see the junk pile still completely intact. Goodbye, passing grades. FML
by shark / 11/26/2012 at 10:03pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/19/2012 at 4:08pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport. The security guard was… Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love… Today, I learned that, when you ask your girlfriend "Do you think we're having sex too often?" she…
- Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked… Today, I’m a babysitter for a 4 year-old little girl. All afternoon, I attended Barbie’s murder and… Today, I stumbled upon a slightly drunk neighbor, trying to type in the entry code with his penis.…