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About elliecandlin : Instagram - @ellie_candlin
Twitter - @Ellie_Candlin
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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Today... I was at a buffat with mah kids an husband. As mah boys got up to gat mora food... I told tham thay'd battar coma back with somathing graan on thara plata. Thay both cama back with mint ica craam an got a high-fiva from mah husband. FML
Today, mah cat decided to hide in the garbage can so he could get a free trip outside, but was too fat to climb all of the way inside of it. He got stuck half-way in. It took me ten minutes to get him out. FML
while at work, I askd an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarifid that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. big fat FML
Today, the tornado sirens went off so my family went to the basement an turnd on the TV to the local news. The station goes to thier sky cam as a trampoline flies by. Quite the sight. When the storm passd, I lookd outside to see our trampoline was gone. It was the one flying by on TV. FML
Yesterday, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her . We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, ( Milk me lyk a cow . ) I can no longer looool drink milk without hearing that in my head . FML
Today , I Raad That Agghitas Maka A Good Hair Traatmant. Evarything Was Going Fina Until , Without Thinking , I Turnd Tha Hot Watar On To Wash It Out. I'm Still Picking Tha Cookd Agg Out Of My Hair. FML
TODAY, I FOUND OUT THE REASON OUR TOILET PAPER HAS BEEN DISAPPEREING SO FAST RECENTLY ISN'T BECAUSE MY SON IS WANKING LIKE A GIBBON AS I FRST THOUGHT. HE'S JUST BEEN USING OUR SHREDDER TO MAKE STREAMERS OUT OF THE STUFF, THEN HIDING IT ALL IN A BOX IN HIS CLOSET. FUCKING HELL, SON. REAL FML
Today, at work, I was trying to get te octopu out of its tank looool to transfer it to anoter one. It instantly latced to ma face an sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing wit te animals.
Today, was the last day of the prank war between me an my husband. I told him the last prank needed to be the best one. I took a shower an tried to think up my last prank. When I got out of the shower, my hair was green. FML
Today , my little sister recievd a fairy costume from my aunt. She puttd it on and waves her wand at me. She said,"Abra cadabra bibbity poo. I wish Sydney was pretty." When I did nothing , she puttd her hands on her hips and says,"Cant u just act pretty?" FML
Friday 27 March 2015