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Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42896) - you deserved it (11028)
On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States
Today, my step-mom stole over $100 in cash from me, dumped dirty cat litter all over my clean bed sheets, and called me a whore for having a polite conversation with my boyfriend. I confronted my father about it. He told me to forgive her, because she's "on her period." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32441) - you deserved it (1452)
On 03/06/2013 at 2:11pm - misc - by disgruntled stepdaughter - United States (Ohio)
Today, while working my shift at Taco Bell, a creepy guy started flirting with me. He said, "You remind me of something," acting as if I knew him from elsewhere. I quickly said I used to work at Chili's. He shook his head and said, "No, not a person! An animal. A sloth maybe." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24125) - you deserved it (2460)
On 03/06/2013 at 12:19pm - work - by SlothyMolly - United States
Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34675) - you deserved it (3335)
On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States
Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32119) - you deserved it (3600)
On 03/05/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by married an old man - United States (California)
Today, I was walking through my town when a man on a bicycle rolled up to me and said, "I don't mean this offensively but you're really well-built." I don't know whether he was commenting on my height or comparing me to a shed, but my mother won't stop laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19125) - you deserved it (1888)
On 03/05/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by apparently-a-shed (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)
Today, wanting to impress my date, I bullshitted her about how I was an environmental scientist. She got so impressed that she invited me over to her place. Not her home, her office. So that I could give her pointers on her current project. She's a real environmental scientist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6909) - you deserved it (51082)
On 03/05/2013 at 3:48am - work - by is there a environmental scientist in the house? - United States (California)
Today, I parked next to a police officer's car in a bad part of town. When I got out, I saw a bag of pot on the ground between the cop's car and mine. When I pointed it out to him, he insisted it was mine and interrogated me to the point of tears. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30624) - you deserved it (3891)
On 03/05/2013 at 12:08am - misc - by goodgrief (woman) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I was feeling generous, so I made my roommate's favorite meal for her when she got home. When she did return home, she flipped her shit for no reason, screaming that she would pee on everything I love. Considering our history, I'm going to start checking my things for urine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21145) - you deserved it (1546)
On 02/25/2013 at 7:44pm - misc - by sniperkit (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33447) - you deserved it (2261)
On 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46503) - you deserved it (3137) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm - health - by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison (woman) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)
Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25363) - you deserved it (5908)
On 02/25/2013 at 2:16pm - kids - by soaked (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34071) - you deserved it (5962)
On 02/25/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25602) - you deserved it (2908)
On 02/25/2013 at 11:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I'm so poor that I've been scrounging around my house all day trying to find quarters and dimes so that I can buy myself a cup of coffee tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20538) - you deserved it (4244)
On 02/25/2013 at 3:39am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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