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electrorange's favorite FMLs
by a / 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy
by hjgjh / 04/27/2009 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I parked downtown for a few minutes to pick up a pizza. As I was getting out of my car, a sketchy guy came up and asked me for $5. I told him to get lost and walked away. I walked back to the lot with my pizza and my car was gone. The sketchy guy was a parking attendent. He had my car towed. FML
by Anonymous / 04/23/2009 at 9:25am / United States (Georgia) / Transportation
Today, I was emailing my professor about what chapters our test is on this afternoon. She accidentally emailed me informing me of the date she went on last night, including that she "got laid... yay!!" and a picture. I still don't know what chapters I'm being tested on. FML
by TMI / 04/20/2009 at 1:12pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/17/2009 at 10:14am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by blutownie13 / 04/09/2009 at 6:11pm / United States / Love
by nothing / 04/08/2009 at 4:42pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
by StevieMe / 04/08/2009 at 10:48am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I was volunteering at a school. There's this really bratty boy there and he was being rude, so I joked, "How are you ever gonna get a girlfriend when you're so mean?" He responds, "I think the better question is how are you ever gonna get a boyfriend when you're so ugly." He's 7. FML
by ugly / 04/07/2009 at 7:34pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, I was delivering packages to patients in the hospital for my job. My boss gave me a room to deliver to, and I drop it off as usual. But my boss gave me the wrong room number. I had to walk in, apologize, and take back balloons and a stuffed animal from a crying 6year old patient. FML
by Anonymous / 04/05/2009 at 4:17pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML
by ohshittttttt / 04/04/2009 at 12:15pm / United States (New York) / Geek
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
by poo_shoe123 / 03/31/2009 at 4:47pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
by trainE / 03/29/2009 at 10:08pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals
by dumpedattheclub / 03/27/2009 at 11:40pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML
by Tourist / 03/26/2009 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut… Today, my laptop got hit by a Trojan. Not the malware, but a used condom thrown from a car driving… Today, I got a mosquito bite on my chest. Due to a severe allergic reaction it has swollen my left…