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eggfactory's favorite FMLs
Today, my dog started limping as we were walking home. I thought she'd hurt herself, so I picked her up and carried her home. Once we arrived, I put her down, at which point she ran around and played as if nothing had happened. I fell for my lazy dog's plan to get me to carry her home. FML
by vanessa560 / 01/03/2012 at 2:44pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by toomuch / 11/22/2011 at 4:36am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by EunJung / 11/03/2011 at 8:16pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 09/21/2011 at 9:17am / United States / Love
Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML
by Anonymous / 08/30/2011 at 12:46am / United States (Tennessee) / Work
Today, I went to the House of Horrors at Universal Studios. People dressed up as monsters would jump at us, and I was so freaked out that I tripped. My equally terrified mom fell on top of me. Frankenstein's monster was nice enough to ask us if we were alright. FML
by Trimacle / 08/24/2011 at 2:32am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML
by dummy / 07/11/2011 at 3:21pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids
Today, as I was walking back inside I noticed my mop leaning on the wall next to my door. I picked it up and started slow dancing with it, imagining it was the girl I'm in love with. I didn't notice my neighbours bunched up at their window laughing. FML
by anonymous / 05/04/2011 at 6:01am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/24/2011 at 3:29am / Australia / Work
by notagoodsign / 02/28/2011 at 5:55am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Love
Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML
by Michelle / 02/20/2011 at 12:45pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML
by Anonymous / 01/20/2011 at 5:55am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
Today, I'm getting over strep throat. The antibiotics they gave me make me have diarrhea unless I eat yogurt in between each pill. That wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't lactose-intolerant. Yogurt gives me really bad gas. So I have to choose between painful gas or diarrhea. FML
by anon7113 / 01/08/2011 at 5:16am / United States (Washington) / Health
by uglywoman / 12/14/2010 at 3:21am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids
by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 5:55am / Turkey (Istanbul) / Animals
- Today, I was helping my friend move into a new apartment. As we were carrying his table up a flight… Today, for the first time ever, my mom told me that I am pretty and she loves me. When I told her… Today, locked out of my house for hours, I had to shit so badly that I found myself squatting under…