About eggfactory : Just realised that I'm 28 and I'm a nerd.
It’s in the can
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42
You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40613) - you deserved it (4301)
On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my teacher assigned us teams in a class debate. I landed on the team that had to argue the obviously wrong point of view. When I finished, my teacher told me and the entire class how much I disturbed her, and how I reminded her of Hitler and Napoleon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19038) - you deserved it (1411)
On 09/05/2012 at 12:25pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13949) - you deserved it (2257)
On 08/09/2012 at 10:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13950) - you deserved it (20571)
On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)
Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25693) - you deserved it (3780)
On 01/18/2012 at 1:29pm - intimacy - by anon - United Kingdom
Today, I went to my doctor. I casually asked him why I keep getting headaches after I masturbate. He said it probably was a sign from God. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27972) - you deserved it (8706)
On 11/22/2011 at 4:36am - intimacy - by toomuch (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, at the nail salon, a Korean woman was making fun of me. I kindly told her, in Korean, that I understood. She kindly told me, in English, that she didn't care. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34745) - you deserved it (2807)
On 11/03/2011 at 8:16pm - work - by EunJung - United States
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25358) - you deserved it (4085)
On 09/21/2011 at 9:17am - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22035) - you deserved it (2375)
On 08/30/2011 at 12:46am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)
Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10275) - you deserved it (38873)
On 07/11/2011 at 3:21pm - kids - by dummy (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, as I was walking back inside I noticed my mop leaning on the wall next to my door. I picked it up and started slow dancing with it, imagining it was the girl I'm in love with. I didn't notice my neighbours bunched up at their window laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9838) - you deserved it (25813)
On 05/04/2011 at 6:01am - misc - by anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, while watching Animal Planet, I realised my boyfriend uses the Dog Whisperer techniques on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23916) - you deserved it (6952)
On 02/28/2011 at 5:55am - love - by notagoodsign (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)
Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21731) - you deserved it (3928)
On 02/20/2011 at 12:45pm - animals - by Michelle - United States (California)
Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7564) - you deserved it (23813)
On 01/20/2011 at 5:55am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I'm getting over strep throat. The antibiotics they gave me make me have diarrhea unless I eat yogurt in between each pill. That wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't lactose-intolerant. Yogurt gives me really bad gas. So I have to choose between painful gas or diarrhea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20308) - you deserved it (1842)
On 01/08/2011 at 5:16am - health - by anon7113 (woman) - United States (Washington)
Monday 20 May 2013
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