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edwardsgrrl's FML badges
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edwardsgrrl's favorite FMLs
Today, at my wedding, the minister forgot to skip the "does anyone object?" part. My mother stood up and gave a lengthy reason, which caused my future in-laws to start shouting. It turned into a small riot, and no, we're not married now. FML
by Anonymous / 06/12/2013 at 12:27pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by Twilightsux / 01/30/2010 at 10:20pm / United States / Love
Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML
Today, I realized that I will never be able to buy the car I've wanted since middle school. The car? A greyish-silver Volvo, which is the make and color of car Kurt Cobain drove. The reason? I've been informed that it's also the make and color of the car that Edward Cullen drives in Twilight. FML
by coinoperatedgirl / 01/10/2010 at 8:04pm / United States (Minnesota) / Geek
by Anonymous / 12/26/2009 at 10:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/26/2009 at 2:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I posted a note on Facebook about a weird dream I had about my ex-boyfriend, where I made out with him, then it transitioned into a vampires vs. werewolves battle. My ex private messages me and says there's a better chance of a vampires vs. werewolves battle than us ever making out again. FML
by ohiochibi / 12/03/2009 at 2:34pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML
by toastedguy / 12/01/2009 at 12:00am / United States (Louisiana) / Love
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
by IB6UB9 / 11/28/2009 at 12:32pm / United States / Love
Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML
by obsessed / 11/27/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to see the new Twilight movie, for the second time. The first time was at the midnight premiere. I would be "okay" with it if the person who had dragged me to see it both times hadn't been my boyfriend. FML
by HeSaysImNoBeard / 11/26/2009 at 11:47am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by buhknee / 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
by jibberish / 11/21/2009 at 7:15pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML
by Kristache / 07/02/2009 at 4:31am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Hallllo / 05/11/2009 at 1:12am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…