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e077's FML badges
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e077's favorite FMLs
Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML
by Bruce / 02/01/2012 at 10:11pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Kids
by pmony / 02/01/2012 at 9:48pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
by Anonymous / 02/01/2012 at 3:21pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I flew to England to visit my boyfriend, who has been working there for the past three months. I went to his hotel and waited for him; he never showed up. I called one of his colleagues to ask him what was going on. He had no idea what I was talking about. FML
by mareda / 02/01/2012 at 2:31pm / United Kingdom / Love
by Arniii / 02/01/2012 at 1:53pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML
by manhandled / 02/01/2012 at 1:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/01/2012 at 10:01am / United States / Intimacy
by JohhnyKeroscene / 02/01/2012 at 7:21am / United States / Miscellaneous
by dammit / 02/01/2012 at 3:22am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML
by crybaby / 02/01/2012 at 3:19am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, I had to sit my 13-year-old son down and explain to him that I'd noticed that his pajamas feel a little "crispy" when I pick them up to do the laundry, and ask if he could start using tissues when having some "alone time." FML
by stainseverywhere / 02/01/2012 at 2:11am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML
by Anonymous / 02/01/2012 at 1:13am / Canada / Animals
by kb / 02/01/2012 at 12:06am / United States (Texas) / Health
by sorrygrandma / 01/31/2012 at 10:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or… Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to… Today, straight after we had sex, my boyfriend went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long…