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Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29325) - you deserved it (1894)
On 02/12/2012 at 7:18pm - kids - by amythest - United Kingdom (Belfast)
Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7806) - you deserved it (53699)
On 02/12/2012 at 7:01pm - misc - by Alyssa - United States
Today, I was at a choir convention, and everyone sings the national anthem outside their rooms each night. I was not informed and took a shower. My roommates opened the door, yanked me out, and locked me out of the room to sing wearing just a towel. The guy down the hall was video taping it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17080) - you deserved it (3268)
Today, I had a debate with my girlfriend about whether giving birth or getting kicked in the balls hurts more. It ended up with her kicking me in the balls. I was the one who said giving birth hurt more. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24532) - you deserved it (4388)
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. Soon, I noticed he was being very quiet. When I looked up, he was in a deep sleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20452) - you deserved it (5676)
On 02/11/2012 at 11:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He swore it wouldn't be 2 minutes long this time. He was right. It was 3 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22437) - you deserved it (3652)
On 02/11/2012 at 12:57am - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I put my boyfriend's t-shirt on and took sexy pictures with nothing else but panties. I then sent him the pictures. His reply was, "Can you wash that when you're done?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (24844) - you deserved it (6487)
On 02/06/2012 at 11:18am - intimacy - by jodibut - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5724) - you deserved it (28936)
On 02/05/2012 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by tkr (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18061) - you deserved it (3353)
On 02/04/2012 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by dasnich (man) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, my husband and I worked together on a very difficult yard project. Afterwards, I thanked him and offered him a special treat. He was disappointed to find I meant sex, not cookies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23516) - you deserved it (3791)
On 02/04/2012 at 2:40pm - intimacy - by me - United States (Texas)
Today, my wife screamed at me, calling me a "useless, ungrateful piece of crap", all because I wouldn't have sex with her, despite hours of her nagging. I said no because I've been laid-up in bed for the past week waiting on surgery for an excruciatingly painful hernia. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25166) - you deserved it (2033)
On 02/03/2012 at 8:17pm - intimacy - by B (man) - United States
Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33572) - you deserved it (6845)
On 02/03/2012 at 9:47am - intimacy - by xX_nsn_Xx (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12629) - you deserved it (3130)
Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33887) - you deserved it (1911)
On 02/02/2012 at 6:32am - misc - by aliezzedine (man) - Lebanon
Today, while in bed with my fiancée, I asked her to take off her pants so we could get it on. She said, "No, I don't feel like squeezing into them again." I was cockblocked by a pair of jeans. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22729) - you deserved it (3521)
On 02/02/2012 at 4:31am - intimacy - by DieTrying - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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