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dwights

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dwights
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 43470
  • Number of comments : 150
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 22 posted

About dwights : Hey I'm 18. I'm from California. I love the ocean. thats pretty much it.

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dwights's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

dwights's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML

#2602287
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61390) - you deserved it (8829)

On 06/04/2009 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was working at my retail job. A customer stopped me on my way to break saying "someone" had broken a snow globe. She showed me where it was and I cleaned it up with her circling me. I finished and put the cleaning supplies away when I heard a 'crash' as the same woman dropped another snow globe. FML

#2582009
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41080) - you deserved it (1444)

On 06/03/2009 at 9:35pm - misc - by kilo1_13 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML

#2562332
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43354) - you deserved it (13780)

On 06/03/2009 at 10:15am - misc - by Kyokushin (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML

#2557919
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57302) - you deserved it (24560)

On 06/03/2009 at 2:06am - intimacy - by galen (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML

#2534485
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54883) - you deserved it (4301)

On 06/02/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Higgs (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my boyfriend and parents went out to dinner. As we started the meal, my boyfriend proposed and the restaurant burst into applause. My mother said without hesitation and a large scowl, "If you say yes, I'm leaving." FML

Today, I went biking. I attempted a large hill and lost control, slipped, and fell ten feet into a sewage pit. Riding home covered in crap, my sock caught my chain and I flipped over my bike. My dad had to spray me with the garden hose, bloody and shitty, in the front yard. FML

#2526721
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63657) - you deserved it (5766)

On 06/02/2009 at 7:08am - kids - by fallsdownplenty45 (man) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, I was in Walmart with my mom. I was looking for some CDs I wanted and saw a cute guy. Then he nodded at me and as he started to walk towards me, I hear my name being called over the intercom. Apparently, according to my mom, it was time to go. FML

#2525381
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41810) - you deserved it (3555)

On 06/02/2009 at 3:55am - misc - by sierraisfucked (woman) - United States

Today, I went to a bar with some buddies, and after trying to pick up a few girls, one of my friends got a number. When I heard the number I said 'Sorry man, that's definitely the rejection hotline number'. So many girls have given me that number, I memorized it. FML

#2523037
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48638) - you deserved it (5607)

On 06/02/2009 at 1:41am - love - by toobad (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started tearing each other's clothes off. I decided to be coy and sexy and flip my hair to the side. As I did so, my long hair caught in the flames of his lit candles and caught half of my head on fire. FML

#2513205
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51064) - you deserved it (29033)

On 06/01/2009 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Bawo (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML

#2492711
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61533) - you deserved it (4469)

On 06/01/2009 at 3:05am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML

#2471479
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63822) - you deserved it (10234)

On 05/31/2009 at 5:10pm - intimacy - by fmeplease (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I asked out one of the girls that hangs out in my group of friends (the same group I have been hanging out for three years). She stared at me for a couple of seconds then said " who the hell are you?" FML

#2459648
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43850) - you deserved it (4011)

On 05/31/2009 at 9:04am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

#2459150
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21273) - you deserved it (73232)

On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)

Today, the girl I like came over to my house to watch a movie. We had seen pretty much every movie that I suggested, so we ended up watching The Lion King. I forgot how sad that movie is, because once Mufasa died I started bawling my eyes out. FML

#2456065
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36128) - you deserved it (22245)

On 05/31/2009 at 2:46am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)



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