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dwights

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dwights

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 44473
  • Number of comments : 150
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 22 posted

About dwights : Hey I'm 18. I'm from California. I love the ocean. thats pretty much it.

dwights's page activity

Visits<b>lakers123123</b> - the 09/01/2014 at 1:45pm<b>HannaVega42</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 12:50am<b>DepartmentStore</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 4:44pm<b>cwrocker</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 12:44pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 12:08am<b>rainedrops</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 2:31am<b>courtneykay123</b> - the 02/06/2014 at 9:26am<b>imhope</b> - the 12/20/2013 at 1:25pm<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 08/08/2013 at 12:56am<b>Sakura13</b> - the 03/17/2011 at 1:06pm<b>ch2358</b> - the 07/29/2009 at 7:13pm<b>posampo</b> - the 07/16/2009 at 9:33am<b>hellomynameisril</b> - the 06/14/2009 at 1:53am<b>username666</b> - the 05/19/2009 at 5:03pm<b>agent007</b> - the 05/19/2009 at 2:19am<b>niqsters</b> - the 05/18/2009 at 11:25pm<b>erichugh22</b> - the 05/17/2009 at 3:56am<b>crazy_chickxoxo</b> - the 05/16/2009 at 1:06pm

dwights's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

dwights's favorite FMLs

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML

#2829311
396 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62555) - you deserved it (12219)

On 06/12/2009 at 12:49pm - love - by unicorn (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

#2812014
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94858) - you deserved it (20019)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was helping a couple come up with a name for the baby they just had. I suggested "Joshua" thinking that it was an okay name. All sudden, the room got quiet. Turns out I had forgotten that Joshua was the name of their 3 year old son who had died a couple months before. FML

#2798038
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32118) - you deserved it (79574)

On 06/11/2009 at 10:17am - misc - by 8reth72 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was playing a medieval game with my brother, when he took all of his character's clothes off and said, "Let's have sex!" I looked at him and said, "UH YOU ARE MY BROTHER!" He turns and looks at me, smiling and says, "But not in the game!" I am a 19 year old girl. He is 12. FML

#2780499
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71015) - you deserved it (4968)

On 06/10/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by Sylvania - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

#2772494
819 comments

I agree, your life sucks (119894) - you deserved it (74075)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had to play the role of superman in a production on stage. They had to stuff my underwear because my 'thing' wasn't big enough. FML

#2769644
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73620) - you deserved it (6690)

On 06/10/2009 at 11:46am - misc - by superman_not (man) - United Kingdom (Perth and Kinross)

Today, I failed a basic intelligence test when the mouse trap I was setting up snapped on my thumb. Later, when I checked the trap I saw that the mouse had managed to lick all the bait off the trap without being caught, I have a sore thumb and was outsmarted by a rodent. FML

#2765186
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34210) - you deserved it (12858)

On 06/10/2009 at 4:13am - animals - by Trapped (woman) - Australia

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent causing the girl to scream and runaway. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

#2729024
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70192) - you deserved it (8427)

On 06/08/2009 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by Baggabbles123 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

#2722142
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84067) - you deserved it (20446)

On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to "cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair". FML

#2671287
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65342) - you deserved it (6642)

On 06/06/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was babysitting a little boy. I opened up a new bottle of bubbles and it was all goopy and gross so I said "Eww!". The boy then asks, "What's "ew" mean?". I replied with, "Something gross and yucky". Then he pointed at my face and say "Ew! Ew! Ewwww!". FML

#2658966
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50542) - you deserved it (8090)

On 06/06/2009 at 12:23pm - kids - by EwFace (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML

#2612293
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30083) - you deserved it (74830)

On 06/04/2009 at 9:07pm - misc - by LadyChristina25 - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML

#2602287
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65909) - you deserved it (9311)

On 06/04/2009 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was working at my retail job. A customer stopped me on my way to break saying "someone" had broken a snow globe. She showed me where it was and I cleaned it up with her circling me. I finished and put the cleaning supplies away when I heard a 'crash' as the same woman dropped another snow globe. FML

#2582009
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47611) - you deserved it (2109)

On 06/03/2009 at 9:35pm - misc - by kilo1_13 - United States (Wisconsin)



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